Can a happy moment last six hours? I say yes. Yesterday my sister from Philly flew in for the day. She and I and my other two sisters all had lunch together and then came back to my house for apple pie and more conversation. It was wonderful!
My Cherokee is also fabulous, but I think T may want to take it in to bust some chops tomorrow. They handed it over to us obviously not cleaned up and with the fuel tank on E. There was dried mud on the steering wheel and grubby greasy finger marks on the console. How does any steering wheel get mud on it, let alone a brand new one? I am so thankful for a husband to take care of ugly things like that for me.
I imagine he's happy to have me around when tears are flowing around here, but I'm telling you, that whole sales process is not for me! Last night in bed he said to me, "That guy knew all the sales lines, and you bought them all!" And he's right! I did! Actually, the only one I recognized after the fact was the "I'm in a hurry so let's get this process moving!" bit. He was trying to rush us into the foo-foo car with all the amenities, which was also one and a half times what we had originally intended to pay! Thank you, Lord, for T who would not be rushed or talked into anything he didn't want!
But today's happy moment was the happy six hours with my sisters!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 31
I got a new Jeep Grand Cherokee today! White. Rather a stripped down version, which is exactly me. I didn't feel comfortable with all the hoo-rah of the one we test drove, plus all that extra stuff would have cost us about $12,000 extra! This one is still an amazing car, will get me through all kinds of weather safely, and has everything I need... Well, the only thing I'll miss that it turns out this one doesn't have is the button to open the garage door. My Caravan and T's Durango have that, and they're both pretty stripped down versions too. Maybe we can look into getting that added.
L had three dance performances today. They did a show for the residents of a local retirement community. This beautiful facility has a full stage and auditorium, so they perform there a few times throughout the year. They also did a "pre-show" performance for friends and family there. And then she performed at church.
This, along with making the car purchase, and L had a friend spend the night and we all went out to see the movie, The Hunger Games, in the evening -- all this made for an exhausting day. I'm so tired my head is swimming.
Then tomorrow we're up early again so the girls can perform for the Sunday services at church, but I have to hustle and get my house cleaned up in the morning because my sister from Philly is coming into town for my oldest sister's birthday. We four sisters will meet at a restaurant, then come back here for dessert and more sisterly bonding. Then get Philly sister (Becky) back on a plane. Whew. I'm too tired to think about it right now.
But I forgot, the purpose of this blog is not to reminisce about the day. It is to choose the one happy moment. Of course, it would have to be the first drive in my new, sparkling white Grand Cherokee!!!
L had three dance performances today. They did a show for the residents of a local retirement community. This beautiful facility has a full stage and auditorium, so they perform there a few times throughout the year. They also did a "pre-show" performance for friends and family there. And then she performed at church.
This, along with making the car purchase, and L had a friend spend the night and we all went out to see the movie, The Hunger Games, in the evening -- all this made for an exhausting day. I'm so tired my head is swimming.
Then tomorrow we're up early again so the girls can perform for the Sunday services at church, but I have to hustle and get my house cleaned up in the morning because my sister from Philly is coming into town for my oldest sister's birthday. We four sisters will meet at a restaurant, then come back here for dessert and more sisterly bonding. Then get Philly sister (Becky) back on a plane. Whew. I'm too tired to think about it right now.
But I forgot, the purpose of this blog is not to reminisce about the day. It is to choose the one happy moment. Of course, it would have to be the first drive in my new, sparkling white Grand Cherokee!!!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday, March 30
Last night L was upset about something in a "break my heart" way. Something she wouldn't tell me was making her sad. She wasn't even crabby, just sad. There was a lot of texting going on between her and her friends.
So of course, as any responsible mother would do, I waited until she wasn't looking this morning and read her texts. And I learned what she was so upset about.
It seems the boy she's had a crush on is exactly what T and I feared: a hormonally charged, unscrupulous flirt. His sister read his text messages and learned that he had convinced another girl to send him pictures of herself. Beyond that, the girl basically offered herself to him in some form, and it seems he accepted. Ugh.
I am unhappy for the boy, who is not bad as much as normal and rejecting the parameters of the Christian faith he has been brought up in. There is nothing to rejoice in in that. However it is a very happy moment for me, a very relieving moment in that L's infatuation with this boy, who could have been a terribly dangerous influence, is over.
Then on the heels of this sobering revelation, a fun thing that happened -- hmmm, I don't know if this is good or bad, but it was fun -- another boy came onto the scene. I know I shouldn't be wishing another boy into L's heart; she's way too young for any of that. But he made eye contact with her from across the room, then made his way over to talk. This new boy named TJ, L and her friend were standing together talking when I walked into Palaestra to pick her up. I could tell immediately that 1) he liked L, and 2) he is a nice boy.
So as much as I don't want another boy occupying L's heart, this does two things for us right now. First, it will keep L from talking herself back into the other boy, and second, it will prove to her what I've been telling her all along: a lot of boys are going to be attracted to her over the next 10 years; she can definitely afford to be picky.
I am full of praise to God for His great and wondrous work on our behalf!!!!
Having said that, I am sad for the first boy and his family. I know his parents are strong believers, and I can only imagine are soaking this kid in prayer just as I have been L. For that reason I have every confidence he will turn himself around eventually and become a good man of strong moral character.
On a lighter note, two other happy moments stand out today. T called me and announced that he intended to go buy me a brand new Jeep Liberty tomorrow. Apparently there are some great incentives out there from Jeep, but they expire at the end of March so tomorrow is the last day.
We need to do something about getting a vehicle for B for the summer, which for her is the end of April when her college term ends. So we've been considering the possibility of giving her my Grand Caravan and buying a new Liberty for me. It's an extravagant solution to the problem. Really, the conservative course would be simply to buy her a good, used car. But T likes the idea of getting me a new car and giving her the Caravan because it puts a lot more metal around our questionable little driver than if we just got her a used Fiesta or Geo. Sooooo, why not get her a used something else with more metal? I dunno. T has just seemed stuck on this idea that I need a new car and we should give B the Caravan. That's all I know. Who am I to argue?
Then he called me from his dinner and said his friends (customers...and friends.) all thought we would be crazy to buy a Liberty when for $3000 more we could have a Grand Cherokee, which has won all these awards and has a "Mercedes suspension," whatever that means. Just all in all, an amazing car.
Okay. I'm easy. I think the Liberty is cute as a button, but I'm not going to argue with a new Grand Cherokee either!
Really, if we end up with a new Grand Cherokee, as fun as that would be for me to drive, I'm going to argue that T drive it and I'll drive his Durango. And before you go thinking I'm all that altruistic, I'll tell you that I'm just not a car buff by any means. As long as the car can get me where I need to be with everyone I need to haul seat-belted, I'm happy. I'm even happier if it never gets stuck in the snow. The Durango is the most amazing snow car ever invented, and T's is a pretty deep red color. Plus it would make me look tough. =) So I'd be happy as a clam driving it.
And the last fun thing that happened is that my sister, Becky, texted me that she has decided to embark on a four-year program to study to become a registered homeopath. Wow! I am so happy for her! She has spent her entire married life doing her own personal research in one form of alternative medicine or another. It is truly her passion! So I am thrilled for her that she is going "official!"
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 29
The Candida Diet. That was my happy moment today. My CBS core leader has been battling a systemic yeast infection for the past several months and has been following this diet. It comes up now and then, and every time she has talked about it I have known it would be good for me. So with no premeditation, this morning I made the decision to begin. I'm following the food restrictions outlined on the website www.thecandidadiet.com. After only one day, I'm sold. This will be good for me.
I made myself some chicken with tomatoes and onion for breakfast, and it was delicious! I actually ate an entire tomato at lunch, and enjoyed it. And I discovered that nonfat, plain yogurt is edible without gobs of fruit and sweetener added.
I love, and I do mean LOVE carbs in every form...well, except in the form of vegetables, unless said vegetable is deep fried. But I especially love sweets, breads and every other form of uber-refined carb. And once I eat a little, all I want is more. I have beaten myself up for years at my lack of self-control in this. But really, I don't feel well when I eat refined carbs. I love them, but they leave me feeling somehow just generally yucky inside and out.
When I abstain, I feel better and I stop craving them altogether. So, I'm excited! Wish me luck!
I made myself some chicken with tomatoes and onion for breakfast, and it was delicious! I actually ate an entire tomato at lunch, and enjoyed it. And I discovered that nonfat, plain yogurt is edible without gobs of fruit and sweetener added.
I love, and I do mean LOVE carbs in every form...well, except in the form of vegetables, unless said vegetable is deep fried. But I especially love sweets, breads and every other form of uber-refined carb. And once I eat a little, all I want is more. I have beaten myself up for years at my lack of self-control in this. But really, I don't feel well when I eat refined carbs. I love them, but they leave me feeling somehow just generally yucky inside and out.
When I abstain, I feel better and I stop craving them altogether. So, I'm excited! Wish me luck!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Wednesday, March 28
I am so happy in this very moment! I was a magnificent day, and the best part of it, I'm tempted to say, is right now, just being home! I love being home.
But the day was full of wonderful things. I had my CBS Bible study this morning. I love the women in our discussion group. There are such varied levels of experience in the Word, varied personalities and varied levels of natural insight. I've just come to look forward to what each of them has to say. And the lecture this morning was also meaningful to me. Maybe I'll touch on that in Small Dog.
Even as I was at my Bible study, however, poor R was texting me from school in a bit of a panic. His classes for next year had to be finalized today, and he didn't know what to tell the counselor he wanted to take. I had been planning to make an appointment and talk about next year once we got this medication a little more in hand. I knew what he thought he wanted to take, but I wasn't sure if he should be repeating some classes to get some low grades replaced on his transcript, or if he should plan on some summer school.
I ended up going into the school about the time he had his appointment so I could be a part of the discussion, and I was really glad I did. The counselor was very supportive, very informative and very respectful toward R, even though his current grades do not necessarily command much respect. She seemed to respect his heart to do well and conveyed confidence that once the ADD was under control he would be able to find success. She said she definitely recommended just letting this year go and move on to better things next year, rather than trying to repeat classes or do summer school. While maybe the top notch school in the state would be out of reach, the school he would be more likely to apply to would not, and would also be willing to hear in a face-to-face interview his explanation for (what we hope is only) a glitch in his sophomore year grades. Plus, she recommended a good book to help R understand more about ADD. I ran out and bought it tonight! All in all, I was so pleased with her help and advice.
After the Bible study and the school counselor, the day just got busier. Ran out to get a book from the library that L needed, picked up the FedEx delivery we missed (D's birthday iPhone!), picked up the ADD book from the bookstore, dropped L off with a friend, and headed off the R's first JV baseball double-header. Then back to pick up L from the friend's house, brought Taco Bell home for dinner, and WHEW! We're home! Just in time for the kids to have some time for homework and off to bed. How nice for me that neither of them need the computer so I get a little alone time to blog.
So of all this, which would I consider my happy moment? As much as I'm loving being home and warm right now (the baseball games were COLD!!!!), and as much as I loved my Bible study this morning, I have to go with the appointment with the counselor. It is such a load off my heart to know that we will be able to put academic year behind us come June. I hated the idea of R having to repeat a course or do summer school, and I am so thrilled that it's not too late for him, that a four-year university experience is still a possibility for him as long as he gets it together pronto. And he does seem motivated to do just that. So, thank you Ms High School Counselor! You made my day!
But the day was full of wonderful things. I had my CBS Bible study this morning. I love the women in our discussion group. There are such varied levels of experience in the Word, varied personalities and varied levels of natural insight. I've just come to look forward to what each of them has to say. And the lecture this morning was also meaningful to me. Maybe I'll touch on that in Small Dog.
Even as I was at my Bible study, however, poor R was texting me from school in a bit of a panic. His classes for next year had to be finalized today, and he didn't know what to tell the counselor he wanted to take. I had been planning to make an appointment and talk about next year once we got this medication a little more in hand. I knew what he thought he wanted to take, but I wasn't sure if he should be repeating some classes to get some low grades replaced on his transcript, or if he should plan on some summer school.
I ended up going into the school about the time he had his appointment so I could be a part of the discussion, and I was really glad I did. The counselor was very supportive, very informative and very respectful toward R, even though his current grades do not necessarily command much respect. She seemed to respect his heart to do well and conveyed confidence that once the ADD was under control he would be able to find success. She said she definitely recommended just letting this year go and move on to better things next year, rather than trying to repeat classes or do summer school. While maybe the top notch school in the state would be out of reach, the school he would be more likely to apply to would not, and would also be willing to hear in a face-to-face interview his explanation for (what we hope is only) a glitch in his sophomore year grades. Plus, she recommended a good book to help R understand more about ADD. I ran out and bought it tonight! All in all, I was so pleased with her help and advice.
After the Bible study and the school counselor, the day just got busier. Ran out to get a book from the library that L needed, picked up the FedEx delivery we missed (D's birthday iPhone!), picked up the ADD book from the bookstore, dropped L off with a friend, and headed off the R's first JV baseball double-header. Then back to pick up L from the friend's house, brought Taco Bell home for dinner, and WHEW! We're home! Just in time for the kids to have some time for homework and off to bed. How nice for me that neither of them need the computer so I get a little alone time to blog.
So of all this, which would I consider my happy moment? As much as I'm loving being home and warm right now (the baseball games were COLD!!!!), and as much as I loved my Bible study this morning, I have to go with the appointment with the counselor. It is such a load off my heart to know that we will be able to put academic year behind us come June. I hated the idea of R having to repeat a course or do summer school, and I am so thrilled that it's not too late for him, that a four-year university experience is still a possibility for him as long as he gets it together pronto. And he does seem motivated to do just that. So, thank you Ms High School Counselor! You made my day!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Tuesday, March 27
Tomorrow R has to do a presentation in his English class about an older relative of his. This relative is supposed to be alive, a requirement he skirted because he wanted to talk about my dad who died when I was 18, long before he was born. Somehow R stumbled upon a photo of my dad's plane in WWII falling out of formation, full of bullet holes. Apparently after the bombers dropped the bombs, they were required to take a picture, so that's what the picture was supposed to be of. And indeed, you can see the bombs, but my dad's plane was also there. I think my dad told me that their plane was badly enough damaged that they really should have ejected, but being over enemy territory they were too afraid, so they nursed the plane to safety. Lucky for me!
I wonder if it was that picture that drew R to my dad. Maybe that picture is a part of why R wants to be a pilot himself. Anyway, R needed to ask me all the questions about him that he couldn't ask my dad himself. That was my happy moment, remembering myself all the wonderful qualities about my dad, retelling the few stories he told me about his childhood and years in the war, how my mom and dad met, and life with him as a kid.
I'm so sorry he never had a chance to meet my kids. He would have loved to go to the boys' baseball and hockey games. L's dance recitals maybe not so much, but he would have loved just knowing and being around all the kids.
I wonder if it was that picture that drew R to my dad. Maybe that picture is a part of why R wants to be a pilot himself. Anyway, R needed to ask me all the questions about him that he couldn't ask my dad himself. That was my happy moment, remembering myself all the wonderful qualities about my dad, retelling the few stories he told me about his childhood and years in the war, how my mom and dad met, and life with him as a kid.
I'm so sorry he never had a chance to meet my kids. He would have loved to go to the boys' baseball and hockey games. L's dance recitals maybe not so much, but he would have loved just knowing and being around all the kids.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 26
Today's peace with L lent sunshine to everything else in the day, so it's hard to choose a happy moment exactly. I suppose I'd have to choose our stroll through Kroger after dance. R was at baseball and I had dropped L's friend off from dance. I told her I was heading back to Kroger to get the hamburger I forgot to buy yesterday. Much to my surprise she wanted to come along, and it turned out to be a delightful time of conversation. She wanted to tell me every little detail of who said what, who did what and who behaved badly at the Hunger Games party now several days past. We're back on an even keel.
I also had a nice conversation with R after we had dropped L off at dance and were off to get him a haircut. It warmed my heart to hear R agree with me that L's social situation was tricky. Her infatuation with this kid has more to do with a very constricted social world than any shining virtue on the kid's part. He's the only boy she knows who isn't socially awkward, and he's paid her some attention. That's all it boils down to! And he continues to pay her attention. He's a flirt.
So the answer may be to pray that God would provide a way for her social world to expand somehow. Ironically, as much as she herself agrees she would like more people in her world, she has always been extremely resistant to any new social venture. I am not going to go looking myself for something on her behalf because she would just dig her heels in and refuse to go. The first place I would recommend if it were up to me is the youth group at our church, as much as T and are usually anti-youth group. But I want God to do this, just like He brought her whole dance world and current friendship situation to us. Even like yesterday's verse says, "And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13) He knows her and knows how she works. He can maneuver her to exactly where He wants her to be. I will entrust her to Him.
I also had a nice conversation with R after we had dropped L off at dance and were off to get him a haircut. It warmed my heart to hear R agree with me that L's social situation was tricky. Her infatuation with this kid has more to do with a very constricted social world than any shining virtue on the kid's part. He's the only boy she knows who isn't socially awkward, and he's paid her some attention. That's all it boils down to! And he continues to pay her attention. He's a flirt.
So the answer may be to pray that God would provide a way for her social world to expand somehow. Ironically, as much as she herself agrees she would like more people in her world, she has always been extremely resistant to any new social venture. I am not going to go looking myself for something on her behalf because she would just dig her heels in and refuse to go. The first place I would recommend if it were up to me is the youth group at our church, as much as T and are usually anti-youth group. But I want God to do this, just like He brought her whole dance world and current friendship situation to us. Even like yesterday's verse says, "And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13) He knows her and knows how she works. He can maneuver her to exactly where He wants her to be. I will entrust her to Him.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Sunday, March 25
Yesterday's shining moment came at church. When we got there I was disappointed to discover that there was a guest speaker. My ire was further piqued that the guest speaker was Chuck Gaidica, a local TV personality around here, actually the weatherman. I've been a little bothered with our church in the past few years that they seem a little star struck. We have another local TV personality who attends our church, and she gets a lot of air time also.
I know their thinking is just to leverage these folks' celebrity for the sake of the gospel. If people from the community will walk through the doors to see Chuck Gaidica or Joanne Purtan when otherwise they would never come, then let's use that tool that God has given us.
I get it. I just can't get beyond it feeling a little wrong. I'm sure CG and JP are lovely people and devout in their faith, but church should be the one place where there are no celebrities. Church should be the place where we are all on equal footing and Jesus is the only celebrity. Well, except Bob, our pastor -- he's a celebrity in my book!
So anyway, I was already a little annoyed that Chuck Gaidica was the speaker. (Of all the devout men in our church who have studied the Word and loved and served the Lord for years, CG gains the microphone because he's on TV...I don't know. I just can't get past that. I'm not saying CG doesn't love the Lord. I'm only saying he was given that privilege for the wrong reason. I don't think he merits my respect spiritually just because he's on TV!)
Okay, done venting. As I was saying, I was already annoyed that I was going to have to listen to CG for 45 minutes. For the sake of my family and those around me, I vowed to do it without fidgeting, maintaining eye contact and keeping my face impassive.
And I was pleasantly surprised, of course. After that much arguing with myself, of course, I was bound to be proven wrong in my estimation of the man. His teaching touched my heart.
He spoke on "Why is God Great," and he began with talking about the mind-boggling vastness of the universe. He probably went on about a few other things that we would consider great about God -- my mind did wander a bit. But then he talked about how over the years he has hosted a number of telethons for charity, usually for children, and how one plaque he was given in honor of this work had the following quote: "A man never stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child."
He used that as a segue-way to the idea that God, in all His enormity and greatness, comes down to be with us. The Word reminds us over and over, 22 times I think he said, that God has said, "I am with you always." He comes down to us, and that is why He is great. He comes down.
I needed Him to come down to me today, to be with me. And I will tomorrow and the next day and the next. And I agree with Chuck Gaidica -- He is great because He comes down.
I know their thinking is just to leverage these folks' celebrity for the sake of the gospel. If people from the community will walk through the doors to see Chuck Gaidica or Joanne Purtan when otherwise they would never come, then let's use that tool that God has given us.
I get it. I just can't get beyond it feeling a little wrong. I'm sure CG and JP are lovely people and devout in their faith, but church should be the one place where there are no celebrities. Church should be the place where we are all on equal footing and Jesus is the only celebrity. Well, except Bob, our pastor -- he's a celebrity in my book!
So anyway, I was already a little annoyed that Chuck Gaidica was the speaker. (Of all the devout men in our church who have studied the Word and loved and served the Lord for years, CG gains the microphone because he's on TV...I don't know. I just can't get past that. I'm not saying CG doesn't love the Lord. I'm only saying he was given that privilege for the wrong reason. I don't think he merits my respect spiritually just because he's on TV!)
Okay, done venting. As I was saying, I was already annoyed that I was going to have to listen to CG for 45 minutes. For the sake of my family and those around me, I vowed to do it without fidgeting, maintaining eye contact and keeping my face impassive.
And I was pleasantly surprised, of course. After that much arguing with myself, of course, I was bound to be proven wrong in my estimation of the man. His teaching touched my heart.
He spoke on "Why is God Great," and he began with talking about the mind-boggling vastness of the universe. He probably went on about a few other things that we would consider great about God -- my mind did wander a bit. But then he talked about how over the years he has hosted a number of telethons for charity, usually for children, and how one plaque he was given in honor of this work had the following quote: "A man never stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child."
He used that as a segue-way to the idea that God, in all His enormity and greatness, comes down to be with us. The Word reminds us over and over, 22 times I think he said, that God has said, "I am with you always." He comes down to us, and that is why He is great. He comes down.
I needed Him to come down to me today, to be with me. And I will tomorrow and the next day and the next. And I agree with Chuck Gaidica -- He is great because He comes down.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Saturday, March 24
How does that song go? Make new friends, but keep the old, for one is silver and the other gold.
My happy moment today was definitely spending time with old friends, our gold. It was an easy, casual evening eating tacos and watching the Red Wings come back from being three goals down for the win. R and L both were terribly out of sorts with each other and with the world in general as a result of their various sleepless adventures of the night before (and the night before that for L). For that reason it was even better just to leave them to their crabbiness and let them further ruin each other's evenings rather than ours. =)
My happy moment today was definitely spending time with old friends, our gold. It was an easy, casual evening eating tacos and watching the Red Wings come back from being three goals down for the win. R and L both were terribly out of sorts with each other and with the world in general as a result of their various sleepless adventures of the night before (and the night before that for L). For that reason it was even better just to leave them to their crabbiness and let them further ruin each other's evenings rather than ours. =)
Friday, March 23, 2012
Friday, March 23
Today was a wonderful day!!! There are a lot of things I could point to as happy moments, mostly because I had a very unusual day all to myself. I spent it pretty much responsibly, although I was unsuccessful in getting our checking account to balance! What's up with that??? I'm off by $130 and I haven't found the error yet. But even that didn't disrupt my enjoyment of a quiet house for 4 hours before I had to leave.
But the awesome moment of the day came at the pediatrician's office with R. We finally had the long awaited consultation about his ADD. On the one hand it couldn't come fast enough (really, I only had to wait one week and one day for it), but on the other I was dreading having to convince another person that something else was going on besides plain laziness on R's part. T and D had definitely put a dent in my confidence; they both think he's just lazy. (T flips back and forth, but the more time dragged on, the more he was singing the lazy song.)
I was so thankful for this pediatrician. He asked and then listened and listened and listened to what brought us to the point of investigating this in the first place. He didn't even reveal right away that he had read the psychologist's report at all. But when I was done, he told us he'd read the report and that he did agree that between what I just told him and the psychologist's report that this did sound like classic Inattentive ADD and he did think medication would help. Then it was his turn to talk, and he spent at least half and hour explaining everything we'd need to know about the drugs available, their side effects, how to manage things. He talked to R about his end of things, especially his organizational habits, that the drug will help but he still has to do the work himself. Also how the drug will suppress his appetite, but he needs to eat anyway at lunch and in the afternoon, even if he doesn't feel hungry. He needs to be sure to get enough sleep or the drug will not help. And he assured us of his commitment to keep tweaking until we found the right drug and the right dosage to allow this kid to put some feet on his motivation. I am so happy to have finally realized some help for this kid!
Thank You, Lord!
But the awesome moment of the day came at the pediatrician's office with R. We finally had the long awaited consultation about his ADD. On the one hand it couldn't come fast enough (really, I only had to wait one week and one day for it), but on the other I was dreading having to convince another person that something else was going on besides plain laziness on R's part. T and D had definitely put a dent in my confidence; they both think he's just lazy. (T flips back and forth, but the more time dragged on, the more he was singing the lazy song.)
I was so thankful for this pediatrician. He asked and then listened and listened and listened to what brought us to the point of investigating this in the first place. He didn't even reveal right away that he had read the psychologist's report at all. But when I was done, he told us he'd read the report and that he did agree that between what I just told him and the psychologist's report that this did sound like classic Inattentive ADD and he did think medication would help. Then it was his turn to talk, and he spent at least half and hour explaining everything we'd need to know about the drugs available, their side effects, how to manage things. He talked to R about his end of things, especially his organizational habits, that the drug will help but he still has to do the work himself. Also how the drug will suppress his appetite, but he needs to eat anyway at lunch and in the afternoon, even if he doesn't feel hungry. He needs to be sure to get enough sleep or the drug will not help. And he assured us of his commitment to keep tweaking until we found the right drug and the right dosage to allow this kid to put some feet on his motivation. I am so happy to have finally realized some help for this kid!
Thank You, Lord!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Thursday, March 22
Well, I'm weird, but I do like physics. After dance today, L was off to her Hunger Games party. We won't see her again until tomorrow evening. R was at baseball practice, and then he had a big history test to study for (which he actually did study for), and T was out for dinner. That left me with some good time alone in the house to exercise, vacuum, clean my floors, get the laundry finished up and balance the checking account. Aaaaahhhhh, NO. None of those things happened. What did happen was physics though, and that was fun!
Do you want to hear something that happened today though that was not a happy moment, more of an appalling in a funny/sad way moment? Every Thursday I take L's old childhood friend and our next door neighbor to dance. Her dance class starts as L's finishes, so the idea is that I'm heading back that way anyway, and her mom works at that time. This girl is a nervous thing, not comfortable with the 20 minute car ride with me. Every week I do my best to make chit-chat, but she immediately pulls out her cell phone and starts texting away. She'll make short little responses to my attempts at conversation, but in general, the conversation dies. So I make a feeble attempt every week, but in general have decided to just be comfortable with silence, the radio, and the clickity-clack of her texting. All this just to say, for 15 she's a bit socially immature.
How can I hold this against her? I was the picture of social immaturity and nervousness well into my adulthood! Well, part of the reason her behavior annoys me though is that even amid my nervousness and awkwardness, I had enough social savvy to know to make conversation with the person I was with, to at least to try to be engaged.
Well, today we drove to dance mostly in silence. The radio played and she clicked away on her cell phone. When we got to dance I walked in with her because I had things L needed to bring to her party. She scooted upstairs to her friends, but was called back down by a mom to try on a costume, where is was revealed that upstairs she had been telling her friends that she ran a marathon at school that day. Umm, what?
My first thought was, she couldn't even have used that as fodder for conversation with me on the awkward car ride here?
But my second thought was...that does not ring true. Now she was in the midst of moms who began questioning her about it. She said it was a voluntary thing, if you signed up for it you were excused from classes for the day, they didn't go around the city, only around the track (104 times!?), and it took 6 hours to complete. She did say she didn't run a lot of it, only walked.
But still... Walking a marathon in 6 hours would require a pace of 4.3 miles per hour, which is a pretty good clip. Keeping that pace up on a treadmill at the gym leaves me in a good sweat after 45 minutes, and this is a girl whose mom picks her up from the bus stop seven doors down from her house! (Well, only when it's raining...now I'm lying!) I don't know if she even owns a pair of running/walking shoes, unless she just bought them for her gym class this year. Plus, to do a 6-hour marathon during a school day would require beginning at 7:30 a.m., as soon as school started, and not finishing until 1:30 p.m., one hour before school ended, with no breaks.
When R got home from baseball tonight, I asked him if there was a group walking a marathon on the track today. Not only had he heard nothing about it, he said his gym class was on the track at 10 a.m. and the only other people out there were from another gym class.
So it was a complete whopper. Of course. This is not the first whopper. She was always a liar as a young kid, but that was usually to get herself out of what she considered a sticky-wicket. It always unnerved us for L's best friend to be a chronic liar, and we did plenty of talking to L about it. But we did understand where the lying came from back then. Back then she lied, but didn't fabricate these complete fish tales.
Now these fish tales are becoming more and more common, to the point that it just gets embarrassing when I talk to her mom. One day she told us her grandfather had been in the hospital for two weeks, and that's why she was possibly going to have to miss a play they had tickets for. She told us she'd suddenly (over the weekend) been diagnosed with a hip problem that needed physical therapy. She told L she had trouble checking on the cat one day when we were out of town because she came down with food poisoning. Some I have seen right through, like the hip problem or the marathon, so I won't create an embarrassing situation by mentioning it to her mom in casual conversation. But I did innocently ask about the food poisoning, and of course I had to ask how her mom's dad was doing in the hospital. (Although I should have figured that one out. Two weeks in a hospital is almost unheard of these days. He would have been in either hospice or a rehab center if he had been that sick.)
So her mom knows. And the lying came up plenty when she was young since she semi-regularly accused L of doing something mean or saying something rude. Sometimes I listened first hand to a situation unfold, and then hear a completely different version when her mother called to confront me about how nasty L had been.
T thinks I need to call the mom and ask about the marathon just to expose the lying again. He's mad about it and just wants justice done. But really, the girl is bordering on mental illness at this point. Really I should expose the lying to her mom again out of compassion, in the hope of getting the problem addressed.
So why am I telling you this? I'm evil, that's why. A part of me has compassion for this kid who just isn't doing well, but another part of me is gloating in her sickness because we have put up with a bit from this family over the years. This girl, while definitely L's oldest friend and, for most of her life, L's best friend, has not been a very good friend at all. She has been hurtful and disloyal. She is the reason I prayed like crazy for God to open new doors of friendship for L, which He did and now she has the ballet gang. (A gang of ballerinas! =) What an image!) But we've also caught whispers of mean things they say behind our back about R, implying he's a bad boy headed for trouble. Just infuriated me when I figured that one out.
But by all appearances we are very friendly with them. We share rides to places and help each other out when we can. The husband loves Oliver and feeds him scraps from their dinner fairly regularly. He also snow-blows our driveway for us sometimes, even when T and R are home to do it. So nice. And a lot of convenient borrowing has gone on in both directions over the years. It's been a good relationship overall.
It's just the kid thing. Their older son dumped D when they were little because a new boy came along who didn't want D around. That hurt and made me mad that they let it happen. But just like L, D went out and made some new friends, much better, healthier friends that he is still close to to this day. Their daughter has certainly not been loyal to L and they let that happen, even though L has been their daughter's good friend all their lives. And they say mean things about R. It's just the kid thing.
Well, I'm all vented. You see, it was good for me to vent because it forced me to remember the good parts of our relationship with this family over the years. Now I truly do have more compassion for this sad, needy girl and can let go of my gloating.
I have to think that it is no coincidence that God has me drive this girl every week to dance all by myself. All this alone time in the car. I've got to pray about a way to make the most of this opportunity and love her through this.
Do you want to hear something that happened today though that was not a happy moment, more of an appalling in a funny/sad way moment? Every Thursday I take L's old childhood friend and our next door neighbor to dance. Her dance class starts as L's finishes, so the idea is that I'm heading back that way anyway, and her mom works at that time. This girl is a nervous thing, not comfortable with the 20 minute car ride with me. Every week I do my best to make chit-chat, but she immediately pulls out her cell phone and starts texting away. She'll make short little responses to my attempts at conversation, but in general, the conversation dies. So I make a feeble attempt every week, but in general have decided to just be comfortable with silence, the radio, and the clickity-clack of her texting. All this just to say, for 15 she's a bit socially immature.
How can I hold this against her? I was the picture of social immaturity and nervousness well into my adulthood! Well, part of the reason her behavior annoys me though is that even amid my nervousness and awkwardness, I had enough social savvy to know to make conversation with the person I was with, to at least to try to be engaged.
Well, today we drove to dance mostly in silence. The radio played and she clicked away on her cell phone. When we got to dance I walked in with her because I had things L needed to bring to her party. She scooted upstairs to her friends, but was called back down by a mom to try on a costume, where is was revealed that upstairs she had been telling her friends that she ran a marathon at school that day. Umm, what?
My first thought was, she couldn't even have used that as fodder for conversation with me on the awkward car ride here?
But my second thought was...that does not ring true. Now she was in the midst of moms who began questioning her about it. She said it was a voluntary thing, if you signed up for it you were excused from classes for the day, they didn't go around the city, only around the track (104 times!?), and it took 6 hours to complete. She did say she didn't run a lot of it, only walked.
But still... Walking a marathon in 6 hours would require a pace of 4.3 miles per hour, which is a pretty good clip. Keeping that pace up on a treadmill at the gym leaves me in a good sweat after 45 minutes, and this is a girl whose mom picks her up from the bus stop seven doors down from her house! (Well, only when it's raining...now I'm lying!) I don't know if she even owns a pair of running/walking shoes, unless she just bought them for her gym class this year. Plus, to do a 6-hour marathon during a school day would require beginning at 7:30 a.m., as soon as school started, and not finishing until 1:30 p.m., one hour before school ended, with no breaks.
When R got home from baseball tonight, I asked him if there was a group walking a marathon on the track today. Not only had he heard nothing about it, he said his gym class was on the track at 10 a.m. and the only other people out there were from another gym class.
So it was a complete whopper. Of course. This is not the first whopper. She was always a liar as a young kid, but that was usually to get herself out of what she considered a sticky-wicket. It always unnerved us for L's best friend to be a chronic liar, and we did plenty of talking to L about it. But we did understand where the lying came from back then. Back then she lied, but didn't fabricate these complete fish tales.
Now these fish tales are becoming more and more common, to the point that it just gets embarrassing when I talk to her mom. One day she told us her grandfather had been in the hospital for two weeks, and that's why she was possibly going to have to miss a play they had tickets for. She told us she'd suddenly (over the weekend) been diagnosed with a hip problem that needed physical therapy. She told L she had trouble checking on the cat one day when we were out of town because she came down with food poisoning. Some I have seen right through, like the hip problem or the marathon, so I won't create an embarrassing situation by mentioning it to her mom in casual conversation. But I did innocently ask about the food poisoning, and of course I had to ask how her mom's dad was doing in the hospital. (Although I should have figured that one out. Two weeks in a hospital is almost unheard of these days. He would have been in either hospice or a rehab center if he had been that sick.)
So her mom knows. And the lying came up plenty when she was young since she semi-regularly accused L of doing something mean or saying something rude. Sometimes I listened first hand to a situation unfold, and then hear a completely different version when her mother called to confront me about how nasty L had been.
T thinks I need to call the mom and ask about the marathon just to expose the lying again. He's mad about it and just wants justice done. But really, the girl is bordering on mental illness at this point. Really I should expose the lying to her mom again out of compassion, in the hope of getting the problem addressed.
So why am I telling you this? I'm evil, that's why. A part of me has compassion for this kid who just isn't doing well, but another part of me is gloating in her sickness because we have put up with a bit from this family over the years. This girl, while definitely L's oldest friend and, for most of her life, L's best friend, has not been a very good friend at all. She has been hurtful and disloyal. She is the reason I prayed like crazy for God to open new doors of friendship for L, which He did and now she has the ballet gang. (A gang of ballerinas! =) What an image!) But we've also caught whispers of mean things they say behind our back about R, implying he's a bad boy headed for trouble. Just infuriated me when I figured that one out.
But by all appearances we are very friendly with them. We share rides to places and help each other out when we can. The husband loves Oliver and feeds him scraps from their dinner fairly regularly. He also snow-blows our driveway for us sometimes, even when T and R are home to do it. So nice. And a lot of convenient borrowing has gone on in both directions over the years. It's been a good relationship overall.
It's just the kid thing. Their older son dumped D when they were little because a new boy came along who didn't want D around. That hurt and made me mad that they let it happen. But just like L, D went out and made some new friends, much better, healthier friends that he is still close to to this day. Their daughter has certainly not been loyal to L and they let that happen, even though L has been their daughter's good friend all their lives. And they say mean things about R. It's just the kid thing.
Well, I'm all vented. You see, it was good for me to vent because it forced me to remember the good parts of our relationship with this family over the years. Now I truly do have more compassion for this sad, needy girl and can let go of my gloating.
I have to think that it is no coincidence that God has me drive this girl every week to dance all by myself. All this alone time in the car. I've got to pray about a way to make the most of this opportunity and love her through this.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Wednesday, March 21
Who could not have had a day full of happy moments with the weather as beautiful as it was today? Record-breaking 84 degrees in March? Whoa, baby!
I did wake up still worried about R, but feeling better, more ready to relax and trust God with my good kid. Went to my Bible study, which was AMAZING. Our teaching leader has a way of taking everything I've always known about my faith and just putting it on its head, in a good way. I love her teachings.
L had another good day of school, which is refreshing. She had most of it done before I got home from Bible study. Her poster for the Hunger Games party came out great!
On to other happy moments of the day though...my sister's Vera Bradley birthday gifts came in the mail. Loved them all! Can't wait to give them to her!
And I got to talk to D on the phone today, even though I just spoke with him a few days ago. How lucky am I? I love my D. =) Decided on getting him the white iPhone for his birthday coming up.
Went to dinner with T and L tonight while R was at baseball practice. That was special.
R got an invitation to a girl's sweet sixteen birthday party in the mail today. That was a bit of a surprise. But the nice part was when he got home and I asked him about it he said, "Yeah, Hailey is a good friend of mine." Somehow that warmed my heart, and it captures what I love about R. R would say something like that. He would value the friendship he has with her rather than her looks or her social status or even whether she's nice or not, which I'm sure she is if R likes her. It's hard to put into words, but it strikes my soul as true and good, very R, and not a quality everyone has, to be able to value the friendship over what the other person brings to the table that you value or could make use of.
But the happy moment of the day came on the way home from the Bible study with my friend, Susan. We always catch up on each other's weeks on the way to and from the Bible study, but as upset as I was about R this morning, I decided not to fill her in. I just couldn't deal with the pressure of explaining again exactly what inattentive ADD is, defending the idea that it is different from pure laziness, and adding to that the trouble of potentially explaining it to coaches and pediatricians. Even T and D are not convinced that this is anything more than laziness in R, that it is only a character issue. I just couldn't face having to convince one more person. So I didn't say anything, and I thought it was a fair bet that she wouldn't ask.
I got away with keeping the conversation focused on her for the ride there, and almost all the way home. We were almost to our subdivision when she did ask me what the psychologist said. The last I'd spoken with her I was on my way to the psychologist's office to get his assessment. In the end I was so thankful she did ask. I told her everything, and it was an incredible balm to my soul that she understood. Her son has ADHD, so she understands the concept of it being, in essence, a self-control issue, and yet the physical element playing into the problem.
I know T is right that even if a pill is going to help R, there are still character issues that need to be addressed. I wholly agree. But I am desperate just to get him going on a medication to give him the boost he needs. Then let's add to it some strict character enforcement: a clean room everyday, consistently good grades. Then we can meet with his counselor and figure out how to mitigate the damage to his GPA that's been done so far.
Anyway, all that to say, I was so thankful to my friend just for listening and understanding and caring. Even when I was so determined not to let her in. That was my happy moment.
I did wake up still worried about R, but feeling better, more ready to relax and trust God with my good kid. Went to my Bible study, which was AMAZING. Our teaching leader has a way of taking everything I've always known about my faith and just putting it on its head, in a good way. I love her teachings.
L had another good day of school, which is refreshing. She had most of it done before I got home from Bible study. Her poster for the Hunger Games party came out great!
 |
| Almost done! |
 |
| Done, but the flash reflected off the yellow and didn't do justice to her shading. Also, I managed to get it uploaded sideways, but you get the idea. And there was a little problem of a black splotch on the wing there. We're still working on fixing that. |
And I got to talk to D on the phone today, even though I just spoke with him a few days ago. How lucky am I? I love my D. =) Decided on getting him the white iPhone for his birthday coming up.
Went to dinner with T and L tonight while R was at baseball practice. That was special.
R got an invitation to a girl's sweet sixteen birthday party in the mail today. That was a bit of a surprise. But the nice part was when he got home and I asked him about it he said, "Yeah, Hailey is a good friend of mine." Somehow that warmed my heart, and it captures what I love about R. R would say something like that. He would value the friendship he has with her rather than her looks or her social status or even whether she's nice or not, which I'm sure she is if R likes her. It's hard to put into words, but it strikes my soul as true and good, very R, and not a quality everyone has, to be able to value the friendship over what the other person brings to the table that you value or could make use of.
But the happy moment of the day came on the way home from the Bible study with my friend, Susan. We always catch up on each other's weeks on the way to and from the Bible study, but as upset as I was about R this morning, I decided not to fill her in. I just couldn't deal with the pressure of explaining again exactly what inattentive ADD is, defending the idea that it is different from pure laziness, and adding to that the trouble of potentially explaining it to coaches and pediatricians. Even T and D are not convinced that this is anything more than laziness in R, that it is only a character issue. I just couldn't face having to convince one more person. So I didn't say anything, and I thought it was a fair bet that she wouldn't ask.
I got away with keeping the conversation focused on her for the ride there, and almost all the way home. We were almost to our subdivision when she did ask me what the psychologist said. The last I'd spoken with her I was on my way to the psychologist's office to get his assessment. In the end I was so thankful she did ask. I told her everything, and it was an incredible balm to my soul that she understood. Her son has ADHD, so she understands the concept of it being, in essence, a self-control issue, and yet the physical element playing into the problem.
I know T is right that even if a pill is going to help R, there are still character issues that need to be addressed. I wholly agree. But I am desperate just to get him going on a medication to give him the boost he needs. Then let's add to it some strict character enforcement: a clean room everyday, consistently good grades. Then we can meet with his counselor and figure out how to mitigate the damage to his GPA that's been done so far.
Anyway, all that to say, I was so thankful to my friend just for listening and understanding and caring. Even when I was so determined not to let her in. That was my happy moment.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Tuesday, March 20
My heart is twisted in worry tonight, so it's hard to think about what moment today was a happy one, although I know there were happy moments. I know it shouldn't be. I know God has all this under His control, that we are under His divine protection. And it is partly that I'm just tired; everything will look better in the morning.
R and I went to the baseball parent meeting tonight. No buses this year, so parents will be responsible for getting the kids to and from most games. That is a worrisome thought right there because I just don't know how that is going to work with L's dance. R's friend's mother works two jobs. As it is she hasn't been able to help getting the boys to or from practices, so I know it'll be up to me to get not only R, but her son too to the games. I might have to ask L's dance teacher if she could arrive at the studio just 20 minutes early and wait there until class starts. Then on some days maybe she'll have to go home with a friend so I be at the games. It's going to be a pain to manage, but that isn't what has my heart in a twist.
The hard knot in my stomach was all their talk of grades, grades, grades. If a boy has an E at any point in three of his classes, he is not allowed to play. But the coaches are saying their standard is that if a kid has two E's, he has no business playing baseball. That is very generous, I admit! Even one E should really make a kid ineligible.
Well, R has two E's right now, and I don't think that's going to be changing any time soon. I'm frantic about it, but am at the point that I'm ready to just throw this year away, give up on it as a lost cause. Our consultation with the pediatrician is Friday. I got in to see him so quickly after we got the psychologist's report, but it just seems Friday will never come. I'm desperate to be taking some action on behalf of this kid.
So now the coaches are going to be getting the kids' grade reports every week. I tried to get R to pull the head coach aside with me last night after the meeting when most of the parents had dispersed and talk with him about the problem. I thought if we beat him to it and ask for a little understanding and leniency, it might work in our favor. Otherwise they're going to be pulling R aside themselves and he's going to have to explain this on his own, which will be tough. How do you explain inattentive ADD to a coach? Unless you've had it yourself or lived with a kid who has it, for all the world it just looks like laziness. Even T has trouble accepting that this is not just laziness.
I'm desperate to get the kid on a pill and see some improvement. Until then, it's just hard to explain. I'm even reluctant to talk to his teachers or counselor about it. Today is my CBS Bible study; I'll drive up there with my friend and she's likely to ask about it. I'm reluctant even to talk to her about it. I don't like having to defend its legitimacy. I dread even the thought that the pediatrician is not fully aware of all its implications and difficulties. Am I even going to have to do some explaining and defending to him?
But the worst will be if this kid can't play baseball because of the disaster of his grades. O Lord, please don't let that happen. Please have mercy on this kid. Guide us. As it is, I'm not sure he's going to be able to head off to a four-year university with his peers. He really might have to make up some lost time at a community college. I pray You wouldn't allow baseball to be taken from him too.
But this is a happy moment blog, not a disaster blog. In general it was a happy day. The weather was pristine, I got Oliver out for a good walk while L did her schoolwork, and L was in a good mood, ready to accept my help without spitting nails at me! I got her new pointe shoes sewn, which is a big deal for me because I am so SLOW at that chore. L had to make a Mockingjay poster for her friend's Hunger Games party coming up, and it was a joy to see this budding little artist draw up a beautiful Mockingjay in no time flat.
If I have to choose one happy moment of all that though, it would be doing school with L today with no tears. That was wonderful!
It's all L today. R's day will come again. I have to remember the verse God gave me only a few days ago from Psalm 42:
R and I went to the baseball parent meeting tonight. No buses this year, so parents will be responsible for getting the kids to and from most games. That is a worrisome thought right there because I just don't know how that is going to work with L's dance. R's friend's mother works two jobs. As it is she hasn't been able to help getting the boys to or from practices, so I know it'll be up to me to get not only R, but her son too to the games. I might have to ask L's dance teacher if she could arrive at the studio just 20 minutes early and wait there until class starts. Then on some days maybe she'll have to go home with a friend so I be at the games. It's going to be a pain to manage, but that isn't what has my heart in a twist.
The hard knot in my stomach was all their talk of grades, grades, grades. If a boy has an E at any point in three of his classes, he is not allowed to play. But the coaches are saying their standard is that if a kid has two E's, he has no business playing baseball. That is very generous, I admit! Even one E should really make a kid ineligible.
Well, R has two E's right now, and I don't think that's going to be changing any time soon. I'm frantic about it, but am at the point that I'm ready to just throw this year away, give up on it as a lost cause. Our consultation with the pediatrician is Friday. I got in to see him so quickly after we got the psychologist's report, but it just seems Friday will never come. I'm desperate to be taking some action on behalf of this kid.
So now the coaches are going to be getting the kids' grade reports every week. I tried to get R to pull the head coach aside with me last night after the meeting when most of the parents had dispersed and talk with him about the problem. I thought if we beat him to it and ask for a little understanding and leniency, it might work in our favor. Otherwise they're going to be pulling R aside themselves and he's going to have to explain this on his own, which will be tough. How do you explain inattentive ADD to a coach? Unless you've had it yourself or lived with a kid who has it, for all the world it just looks like laziness. Even T has trouble accepting that this is not just laziness.
I'm desperate to get the kid on a pill and see some improvement. Until then, it's just hard to explain. I'm even reluctant to talk to his teachers or counselor about it. Today is my CBS Bible study; I'll drive up there with my friend and she's likely to ask about it. I'm reluctant even to talk to her about it. I don't like having to defend its legitimacy. I dread even the thought that the pediatrician is not fully aware of all its implications and difficulties. Am I even going to have to do some explaining and defending to him?
But the worst will be if this kid can't play baseball because of the disaster of his grades. O Lord, please don't let that happen. Please have mercy on this kid. Guide us. As it is, I'm not sure he's going to be able to head off to a four-year university with his peers. He really might have to make up some lost time at a community college. I pray You wouldn't allow baseball to be taken from him too.
But this is a happy moment blog, not a disaster blog. In general it was a happy day. The weather was pristine, I got Oliver out for a good walk while L did her schoolwork, and L was in a good mood, ready to accept my help without spitting nails at me! I got her new pointe shoes sewn, which is a big deal for me because I am so SLOW at that chore. L had to make a Mockingjay poster for her friend's Hunger Games party coming up, and it was a joy to see this budding little artist draw up a beautiful Mockingjay in no time flat.
If I have to choose one happy moment of all that though, it would be doing school with L today with no tears. That was wonderful!
It's all L today. R's day will come again. I have to remember the verse God gave me only a few days ago from Psalm 42:
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God.
...
By day the Lord commands His steadfast love,
and at night His song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, March 19
Glorious, sunny day today! Two moments stand out in the day as particularly happy.
The first was talking to D this afternoon. I was a little melancholy this morning realizing that he has truly grown up and into his own life now, a full two hours away. Nagging him to come home more often will not do our relationship any good. It costs a lot in gas money for him to come see us, and there really is nothing here for him anymore...except us. His life really is on that side of the state now. =( I have to be thankful he's not further away than that, I know.
But then it occurred to me that four years ago, when D was a senior in high school, T and I had anticipated this day. In an effort to forestall any distancing of hearts as this day approached, we bought into a timeshare plan. The thought was that as the kids all grow up into their own lives, if we could get us all together even just once a year for a vacation together somewhere, it would go a long way to keeping the family bonds tight. If we had to pay for everyone's lodging up front, the expense would keep it from ever happening. But if the accommodations were effectively prepaid through the timeshare, we would be more likely to make it happen. It has been a source of great guilt for me over the years that we spent so much money on this plan and have yet to use it. I have always felt like I let us be suckered in a moment of motherly weakness as our first little chickadee was graduating from high school and flying away to college.
But today my happy moment came when it dawned on me that now was the time to use the timeshare! The time had come and it hadn't been a stupid purchase at all! I texted D to see if he'd be willing to reserve the week between Christmas and New Year this year to go away with the family. (I texted T in Florida first -- of course he was on board.) D didn't respond to my text, as usual, but when we talked later in the afternoon, he said he was all for it. And I think I'll also see what I can do about maybe an extended weekend up north this summer, maybe a bike trip. We just have to be more intentional about time together now, that's all.
That was the first happy moment; the second was just silly. Apparently all winter as we let Oliver in and out of the door wall, we have kept the screen open. Today was 78 degrees, so the screen had been closed and the door wall open during the day. So tonight when L opened the glass door to let Ollie in, he didn't realize the screen was closed, and he threw himself into the screen full force. L cracked up at the sight. The funniest part though was seeing Oliver in a bit of a huff knowing he was being laughed at. I wonder if he thought she did that on purpose! When L opened the screen and let him in, rather than bounding in and jumping on me to gleefully tell me he had returned like he usually does, he walked over to me sullenly with his head down. He sat down between my feet and glared at L, baring his teeth at her. Silly dog! I guess he does have some pride after all! =)
The first was talking to D this afternoon. I was a little melancholy this morning realizing that he has truly grown up and into his own life now, a full two hours away. Nagging him to come home more often will not do our relationship any good. It costs a lot in gas money for him to come see us, and there really is nothing here for him anymore...except us. His life really is on that side of the state now. =( I have to be thankful he's not further away than that, I know.
But then it occurred to me that four years ago, when D was a senior in high school, T and I had anticipated this day. In an effort to forestall any distancing of hearts as this day approached, we bought into a timeshare plan. The thought was that as the kids all grow up into their own lives, if we could get us all together even just once a year for a vacation together somewhere, it would go a long way to keeping the family bonds tight. If we had to pay for everyone's lodging up front, the expense would keep it from ever happening. But if the accommodations were effectively prepaid through the timeshare, we would be more likely to make it happen. It has been a source of great guilt for me over the years that we spent so much money on this plan and have yet to use it. I have always felt like I let us be suckered in a moment of motherly weakness as our first little chickadee was graduating from high school and flying away to college.
But today my happy moment came when it dawned on me that now was the time to use the timeshare! The time had come and it hadn't been a stupid purchase at all! I texted D to see if he'd be willing to reserve the week between Christmas and New Year this year to go away with the family. (I texted T in Florida first -- of course he was on board.) D didn't respond to my text, as usual, but when we talked later in the afternoon, he said he was all for it. And I think I'll also see what I can do about maybe an extended weekend up north this summer, maybe a bike trip. We just have to be more intentional about time together now, that's all.
That was the first happy moment; the second was just silly. Apparently all winter as we let Oliver in and out of the door wall, we have kept the screen open. Today was 78 degrees, so the screen had been closed and the door wall open during the day. So tonight when L opened the glass door to let Ollie in, he didn't realize the screen was closed, and he threw himself into the screen full force. L cracked up at the sight. The funniest part though was seeing Oliver in a bit of a huff knowing he was being laughed at. I wonder if he thought she did that on purpose! When L opened the screen and let him in, rather than bounding in and jumping on me to gleefully tell me he had returned like he usually does, he walked over to me sullenly with his head down. He sat down between my feet and glared at L, baring his teeth at her. Silly dog! I guess he does have some pride after all! =)
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sunday, March 18
Two happy moments today! The first was on the way to church. R was not happy about being out of bed at the unholy hour of 11 a.m., so it was fixing to be a silent ride. But L put in a Father Gilbert CD we borrowed from a friend. We had never listened to an episode before, but they're terrific! They are audio mystery stories produced by Focus on the Family. Father Gilbert is an Anglican vicar and investigator. I think we'll all enjoy them for quite awhile.
And the second happy moment was tonight drawing with L while we watched Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Here are our completed works:
Mine suffers by comparison to L's. She has much prettier and truer lines for the ballerina's legs, more proportional ankle and shoes, and I like the delicate effect of the graphite rather than the charcoal that I used. Wow, this kid has some talent.
And the second happy moment was tonight drawing with L while we watched Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Here are our completed works:
 | |
| This is L's. Beautiful! |
 |
| And mine. It's okay for a beginner |
Mine suffers by comparison to L's. She has much prettier and truer lines for the ballerina's legs, more proportional ankle and shoes, and I like the delicate effect of the graphite rather than the charcoal that I used. Wow, this kid has some talent.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Saturday, March 17
Happy St. Patrick's Day! We're watching Leap Year to celebrate! Not really. It's just a coincidence that L happened to rent it with her friend last night, but they fell asleep almost as soon as they began it. If you don't know, it's cute story about a girl who goes to Ireland to propose to her boyfriend.
Anyway, this day was partly hard -- more on that in Small Dog -- but had some happy moments too. Again, there are two happies.
One was playing with a German Shepherd puppy with R at a pet store at the mall while we waited for his glasses to be made at LensCrafters. Cute little guy had a thing for my flip flop, and he had sharp little teeth! We named him Luther.
And the more significant happy moment came at our benefit dinner. I made the executive decision to support a young Ugandan boy named Robert S. T is still out of town, but I knew he would never have left that dinner without taking one of the kids. He probably would have taken on more than one. Robert is 10 years old and will now be able to go to school and receive two meals a day through our sponsorship.
And lastly, real quick, here's today's drawing. It's not done, but I did this much while talking on the phone with my sister.
Can you see what it is? It is the legs of a ballerina on pointe. The grid lines are pretty visible -- try to ignore those.
Anyway, this day was partly hard -- more on that in Small Dog -- but had some happy moments too. Again, there are two happies.
One was playing with a German Shepherd puppy with R at a pet store at the mall while we waited for his glasses to be made at LensCrafters. Cute little guy had a thing for my flip flop, and he had sharp little teeth! We named him Luther.
And the more significant happy moment came at our benefit dinner. I made the executive decision to support a young Ugandan boy named Robert S. T is still out of town, but I knew he would never have left that dinner without taking one of the kids. He probably would have taken on more than one. Robert is 10 years old and will now be able to go to school and receive two meals a day through our sponsorship.
And lastly, real quick, here's today's drawing. It's not done, but I did this much while talking on the phone with my sister.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Friday, March 16
Today I hit the ground running at 6:30 a.m. and didn't stop until 10:30 p.m. It was full of conversation, running around, dropping people off, picking people up, choosing gifts for people, discussing gifts with other people, a heart to heart talk with a friend, on and on and on. How can a day be so full and so uneventful at the same time?
So when I distill it all down, two events of the day stand out. The first was the talk with my friend. She confided in me what had been troubling her, and I hope I was able to relieve her burden somewhat just by caring. And in turn, I was able to confide in her my heartaches of the week and know she cared. That was a happy moment.
The other happy moment was a little more unusual and definitely unplanned. Often Palaestra (homeschool classes) allows vendors to come in and display their wares. Today's vendor was Miller Paper. They sell all manner of paper, books and art supplies. It was a happy collusion of events because only last night was L working on an assignment for her science class in which she was required to write a paper on a scientist of her choosing and also include a hand-drawn portrait of him. As is typical of L, she spent more time (and invested more interest) in the drawing than the paper, even with only the most rudimentary of tools: a no. 2 pencil, a sheet of lined notebook paper and a Q-tip for shading. But whatever she lacked in resources she made up for with talent and determination. Isaac Newton himself would have been proud of her rendering!
Suddenly it hit me that this kid has some of her grandmother's artistic inclination. It isn't the kind of thing that we can officially devote time to right now, as in art classes. She's just too busy with school, piano and ballet. But it occurred to me I should at least buy her some basic tools so she can draw on her own in her free time, while watching TV or whenever.
And Voila! Miller Paper appeared at Palaestra the very next morning! So I bought her a sketch pad, some charcoal pencils and charcoal sticks, a kneadable eraser and a shading tool. Then I got to thinking about R. When he was homeschooled he'd draw a lot, usually castle battle scenes with arrows flying, armored men falling off castle walls, blood splattering everywhere, sometimes dragons involved. Maybe he would begin to draw again if I bought a second set of materials. So I did.
When R got home from school I introduced the idea to him. He chuckled and didn't say much else. But tonight I said good night to the kids a little early and scuttled R's set of supplies upstairs with me. If he really is interested, I'll get him another set of materials of his own, but doggonit, I wanted to try this drawing business! I haven't ever in my life seriously tried to draw anything, and I don't expect I have any latent genius, but it looked fun. And satisfying.
So I got my fingers all black, put at least one black smudge on my bed sheet, but I did make a drawing that I was marginally satisfied with for a first go. And I had fun doing it! That was an unexpected and novel happy moment! Maybe I'll have another one of the same tonight. Gotta get some in before T gets home from his trip. I know he'll laugh at me...
I'll include a picture here:
So when I distill it all down, two events of the day stand out. The first was the talk with my friend. She confided in me what had been troubling her, and I hope I was able to relieve her burden somewhat just by caring. And in turn, I was able to confide in her my heartaches of the week and know she cared. That was a happy moment.
The other happy moment was a little more unusual and definitely unplanned. Often Palaestra (homeschool classes) allows vendors to come in and display their wares. Today's vendor was Miller Paper. They sell all manner of paper, books and art supplies. It was a happy collusion of events because only last night was L working on an assignment for her science class in which she was required to write a paper on a scientist of her choosing and also include a hand-drawn portrait of him. As is typical of L, she spent more time (and invested more interest) in the drawing than the paper, even with only the most rudimentary of tools: a no. 2 pencil, a sheet of lined notebook paper and a Q-tip for shading. But whatever she lacked in resources she made up for with talent and determination. Isaac Newton himself would have been proud of her rendering!
Suddenly it hit me that this kid has some of her grandmother's artistic inclination. It isn't the kind of thing that we can officially devote time to right now, as in art classes. She's just too busy with school, piano and ballet. But it occurred to me I should at least buy her some basic tools so she can draw on her own in her free time, while watching TV or whenever.
And Voila! Miller Paper appeared at Palaestra the very next morning! So I bought her a sketch pad, some charcoal pencils and charcoal sticks, a kneadable eraser and a shading tool. Then I got to thinking about R. When he was homeschooled he'd draw a lot, usually castle battle scenes with arrows flying, armored men falling off castle walls, blood splattering everywhere, sometimes dragons involved. Maybe he would begin to draw again if I bought a second set of materials. So I did.
When R got home from school I introduced the idea to him. He chuckled and didn't say much else. But tonight I said good night to the kids a little early and scuttled R's set of supplies upstairs with me. If he really is interested, I'll get him another set of materials of his own, but doggonit, I wanted to try this drawing business! I haven't ever in my life seriously tried to draw anything, and I don't expect I have any latent genius, but it looked fun. And satisfying.
So I got my fingers all black, put at least one black smudge on my bed sheet, but I did make a drawing that I was marginally satisfied with for a first go. And I had fun doing it! That was an unexpected and novel happy moment! Maybe I'll have another one of the same tonight. Gotta get some in before T gets home from his trip. I know he'll laugh at me...
I'll include a picture here:
 |
| My first charcoal drawing! |
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thursday, March 15
Many, many good things happened today. How to choose one to win the prize for "Happy Moment?"
First of all, I was so thankful this morning that God gave me those two devotional passages (recorded in Small Dog, Tall Weeds) reminding me of His abundant, overflowing grace toward me and my commission from Him to PRAY for what I need. That encouraged me greatly, and so I did pray.
Then I called the pediatricians' office, the one with the crabby, rude staff. I was humbled and so grateful that the woman on the phone was not only not crabby, she was actually sweet. I even imagined I heard in her voice actual compassion in her voice for the crisis in my heart over this kid of mine being diagnosed with ADD. The doctors only reserve one one-hour time slot per week each for ADD consultations, so I was even further humbled by the fact that my preferred doctor had an appointment available for me tomorrow or next Friday, whichever one I wanted. As much as I would have loved to take tomorrow's appointment, I had to go with next Friday because the psychologist won't have the reports done and FAXed over the the pediatrician until then. Thank You, Lord. He is so kind and the whole scene oozed with His care, not only for R but for my shaken heart.
Later in the afternoon I had a good talk with R about what the psychologist told me, what his tests revealed, what it all meant. He is not easy to read, but I think he understood. I was so happy to be able to tell him first by way of apology that his dad and I had spent the whole year trying to create anxiety in him over his schoolwork and grades. We did this without realizing he was already feeling a good deal of anxiety. I was able to tell him that he has been battling something he cannot conquer on his own, and I didn't want him to feel anxious anymore. I told him what he already knows, that a lot of damage has been done to his GPA this year, but I didn't want him to worry about it right now. We just need to get him to a place where he can succeed at what he's good at, and we'll work to mitigate that problem later.
R is a private person when it comes to his emotional life, so this whole process has been unsettling to him. He hated the idea that his teachers had to be informed because they had to fill out some forms. He just doesn't want people knowing his troubles in general. It was actually early this morning that I first mentioned briefly that I didn't want him to be anxious anymore. So on the way to school I asked him how he felt about it all, an annoying question to R right off, but I wanted to know! I asked him whether he felt annoyed or relieved by the diagnosis, the whole thing. He said, "Both." And that was all the information I was going to get about his emotional state. I'm sorry he is annoyed, but I am happy he is relieved! An anxious kid who won't talk is a prescription for disaster!
And the last happy moment today also has to do with R. He got home from the last night of tryouts and had learned that he indeed did make the JV baseball team for his high school. I wasn't too worried, but while he is a good player, he's no stud. He actually got very little playing time last year on the freshman team, and we heard that they were going to move some juniors down from Varsity to JV. Not only is that unfair to the sophomores, but it definitely opened the door for R being cut. Being cut is traumatic for anyone at anytime, but T and I felt like this is an especially sensitive year for R. With school being a disaster this year, he really needs to feel good at something. So I was very thankful he made the team.
It turns out they did move four juniors down to JV and one freshman up from the Freshman team. And they did cut five sophomores, so our concern was justified. They really could have cut R. Whew!
So, lots of happy moments, all rooted in the fact that God is compassionate and faithful toward all He has made. Thank You, Lord! So maybe, if I have to choose one happy moment, I would choose early this morning, being reminded so gently to trust in His kindness and to pray.
First of all, I was so thankful this morning that God gave me those two devotional passages (recorded in Small Dog, Tall Weeds) reminding me of His abundant, overflowing grace toward me and my commission from Him to PRAY for what I need. That encouraged me greatly, and so I did pray.
Then I called the pediatricians' office, the one with the crabby, rude staff. I was humbled and so grateful that the woman on the phone was not only not crabby, she was actually sweet. I even imagined I heard in her voice actual compassion in her voice for the crisis in my heart over this kid of mine being diagnosed with ADD. The doctors only reserve one one-hour time slot per week each for ADD consultations, so I was even further humbled by the fact that my preferred doctor had an appointment available for me tomorrow or next Friday, whichever one I wanted. As much as I would have loved to take tomorrow's appointment, I had to go with next Friday because the psychologist won't have the reports done and FAXed over the the pediatrician until then. Thank You, Lord. He is so kind and the whole scene oozed with His care, not only for R but for my shaken heart.
Later in the afternoon I had a good talk with R about what the psychologist told me, what his tests revealed, what it all meant. He is not easy to read, but I think he understood. I was so happy to be able to tell him first by way of apology that his dad and I had spent the whole year trying to create anxiety in him over his schoolwork and grades. We did this without realizing he was already feeling a good deal of anxiety. I was able to tell him that he has been battling something he cannot conquer on his own, and I didn't want him to feel anxious anymore. I told him what he already knows, that a lot of damage has been done to his GPA this year, but I didn't want him to worry about it right now. We just need to get him to a place where he can succeed at what he's good at, and we'll work to mitigate that problem later.
R is a private person when it comes to his emotional life, so this whole process has been unsettling to him. He hated the idea that his teachers had to be informed because they had to fill out some forms. He just doesn't want people knowing his troubles in general. It was actually early this morning that I first mentioned briefly that I didn't want him to be anxious anymore. So on the way to school I asked him how he felt about it all, an annoying question to R right off, but I wanted to know! I asked him whether he felt annoyed or relieved by the diagnosis, the whole thing. He said, "Both." And that was all the information I was going to get about his emotional state. I'm sorry he is annoyed, but I am happy he is relieved! An anxious kid who won't talk is a prescription for disaster!
And the last happy moment today also has to do with R. He got home from the last night of tryouts and had learned that he indeed did make the JV baseball team for his high school. I wasn't too worried, but while he is a good player, he's no stud. He actually got very little playing time last year on the freshman team, and we heard that they were going to move some juniors down from Varsity to JV. Not only is that unfair to the sophomores, but it definitely opened the door for R being cut. Being cut is traumatic for anyone at anytime, but T and I felt like this is an especially sensitive year for R. With school being a disaster this year, he really needs to feel good at something. So I was very thankful he made the team.
It turns out they did move four juniors down to JV and one freshman up from the Freshman team. And they did cut five sophomores, so our concern was justified. They really could have cut R. Whew!
So, lots of happy moments, all rooted in the fact that God is compassionate and faithful toward all He has made. Thank You, Lord! So maybe, if I have to choose one happy moment, I would choose early this morning, being reminded so gently to trust in His kindness and to pray.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Wednesday, March 14
Today was an unnerving, sad, shake-me-to-the-core day. Was it a good day or a bad day? In faith, I have to say it was a good day.
I went back to the psychologist today to get his evaluation of the various tests they administered to R to determine if he has ADD. He tells me there isn't actually an ADD test; rather it's more about evaluating the signs and eliminating other possibilities as the root cause.
He tells us R has what's called Inattentive ADD, which some argue should be classified completely separately from the more common ADHD/ADD because some of the signs and symptoms are actually completely opposite from the ADHD variety. Inattentive ADD, or ADD-I, is characterized by a lethargy and a day-dreaminess rather than any hyperactivity or impulse control. In fact there are generally no behavior issues at all, and the kids look like they're completely engaged in class, when actually they are off in another world. They also have extreme difficulty concentrating, organizing their ideas, remembering details, which makes doing their schoolwork a painful process and causes them to procrastinate. The fact that they can look so completely engaged and there are no behavior issues means that it tends to be diagnosed much later, which is why we are only just now recognizing it when he is in 10th grade, sadly, a very important year for getting into colleges.
Kids with ADD-I also tend to suffer with anxiety related to their difficulty completing assignments and studying for tests, their poor performance, parental pressure, but they channel this anxiety inward, so no one is aware.
So it was a hard thing to realize that T and I have spent this entire school year trying to incite some anxiety in R over his schoolwork and failing grades, when actually he's been doing a fair job of beating himself up and we didn't know. In our minds we've been frustrated at his "laziness," not knowing he was facing something he was not going to be able to conquer on his own.
Trusting that R will never read this, I'll tell you that a part of this testing included some IQ tests. From those we also had some troubling news. While R is a good deal above average in his verbal skills, he is quite a bit below average in visual-spatial abilities. Apparently it is this ability which is related to how well he will be able to do math related subjects. So the psychologist said he'll never be an architect, an engineer, a computer guy.
I told him R has always wanted to be an Air Force pilot. Without the briefest hesitation the psychologist replied, "Ain't gonna happen." I don't think he was being mean in the least; he was just being honest. Turns out he too is weak in this area and he too wanted to be an Air Force pilot as a kid. I think he said he actually took the test, which included lots of visual-spatial type questions. The AF only takes the kids who score the very highest in this area, and he couldn't even get off the ground with it (pun intended). He said, "I would've been blown out of the sky."
So R doesn't know it, but his dream will always remain only that: a dream. My heart is broken for him.
But the good news is that armed with this knowledge and having gone through the process, we can now begin to help R succeed at what he is good at. Eventually he will figure out on his own what he should pursue as a career, and it will be related to his real successes, because he will have real successes!
I have to say my happy moment of the day was talking to T on the phone and telling him what the psychologist said. T has been hard on R this year, more to me than to R, but I knew he's had very little patience with R's grades, work ethic, etc., and was not inclined to buy into the whole ADD thing as an excuse. He wasn't completely on board with even getting R tested. He has ADD himself and he knows that he's just had to fight through it and learn some coping strategies, so he felt like R just needed to buck up and do the same thing. For these reasons I was nervous about telling T what the psychologist told me, afraid he would react dismissively and not be willing to get R prescription help.
My happy moment was hearing T respond well, with compassion for R. His reaction was that we definitely needed to get him some help so he can feel what it's like to be able to do his work and succeed. Then after a while if R wants to try to learn to cope without drugs, he can do it. But first he's got to get to a place where he can do better. It made me very happy to have T on my side in this.
I went back to the psychologist today to get his evaluation of the various tests they administered to R to determine if he has ADD. He tells me there isn't actually an ADD test; rather it's more about evaluating the signs and eliminating other possibilities as the root cause.
He tells us R has what's called Inattentive ADD, which some argue should be classified completely separately from the more common ADHD/ADD because some of the signs and symptoms are actually completely opposite from the ADHD variety. Inattentive ADD, or ADD-I, is characterized by a lethargy and a day-dreaminess rather than any hyperactivity or impulse control. In fact there are generally no behavior issues at all, and the kids look like they're completely engaged in class, when actually they are off in another world. They also have extreme difficulty concentrating, organizing their ideas, remembering details, which makes doing their schoolwork a painful process and causes them to procrastinate. The fact that they can look so completely engaged and there are no behavior issues means that it tends to be diagnosed much later, which is why we are only just now recognizing it when he is in 10th grade, sadly, a very important year for getting into colleges.
Kids with ADD-I also tend to suffer with anxiety related to their difficulty completing assignments and studying for tests, their poor performance, parental pressure, but they channel this anxiety inward, so no one is aware.
So it was a hard thing to realize that T and I have spent this entire school year trying to incite some anxiety in R over his schoolwork and failing grades, when actually he's been doing a fair job of beating himself up and we didn't know. In our minds we've been frustrated at his "laziness," not knowing he was facing something he was not going to be able to conquer on his own.
Trusting that R will never read this, I'll tell you that a part of this testing included some IQ tests. From those we also had some troubling news. While R is a good deal above average in his verbal skills, he is quite a bit below average in visual-spatial abilities. Apparently it is this ability which is related to how well he will be able to do math related subjects. So the psychologist said he'll never be an architect, an engineer, a computer guy.
I told him R has always wanted to be an Air Force pilot. Without the briefest hesitation the psychologist replied, "Ain't gonna happen." I don't think he was being mean in the least; he was just being honest. Turns out he too is weak in this area and he too wanted to be an Air Force pilot as a kid. I think he said he actually took the test, which included lots of visual-spatial type questions. The AF only takes the kids who score the very highest in this area, and he couldn't even get off the ground with it (pun intended). He said, "I would've been blown out of the sky."
So R doesn't know it, but his dream will always remain only that: a dream. My heart is broken for him.
But the good news is that armed with this knowledge and having gone through the process, we can now begin to help R succeed at what he is good at. Eventually he will figure out on his own what he should pursue as a career, and it will be related to his real successes, because he will have real successes!
I have to say my happy moment of the day was talking to T on the phone and telling him what the psychologist said. T has been hard on R this year, more to me than to R, but I knew he's had very little patience with R's grades, work ethic, etc., and was not inclined to buy into the whole ADD thing as an excuse. He wasn't completely on board with even getting R tested. He has ADD himself and he knows that he's just had to fight through it and learn some coping strategies, so he felt like R just needed to buck up and do the same thing. For these reasons I was nervous about telling T what the psychologist told me, afraid he would react dismissively and not be willing to get R prescription help.
My happy moment was hearing T respond well, with compassion for R. His reaction was that we definitely needed to get him some help so he can feel what it's like to be able to do his work and succeed. Then after a while if R wants to try to learn to cope without drugs, he can do it. But first he's got to get to a place where he can do better. It made me very happy to have T on my side in this.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tuesday, March 13
I woke up this morning not feeling well. The weird thing was that I had woken up at 4 a.m. feeling great, like it was time to start the day, but I did stay in bed and go back to sleep until 6:30 when it was time to get up. But at 6:30 I suddenly felt lousy, like I was getting sick. So I got up to make R's lunch and take him to school, but came back and flopped into bed again. Didn't really sleep, just rested, and got up again to see T off to work. Tried to do a few things, was up long enough to see L started on her schoolwork, but I ended up back in bed again for an hour or two. Still didn't really sleep, just rested.
But when I did get up at 10:30 or so, I felt terrific! I can't explain it, but I felt more than usually good for the rest of the day.
Nothing of note happened in the day. L and I took a break from her schoolwork to walk Oliver. The day was simply gorgeous, we didn't even need coats, and we figured out what she was going to do for her friend's birthday while we walked, so that was a load off our minds. (It had been worrying her.)
T was not going to be home until late, so I didn't cook for dinner. That was fun. We ate Arby's and watched Dance Moms, which we look forward to. R had baseball tryouts, so that was a highlight. I did my Bible study for CBS tomorrow standing at the island in the kitchen at some point in the evening. I always like doing that.
But if I am going to pick one happy moment that set the tone for the day, it would have to be getting up after my late morning rest and feeling good physically, no more malaise. Woo hoo!
But when I did get up at 10:30 or so, I felt terrific! I can't explain it, but I felt more than usually good for the rest of the day.
Nothing of note happened in the day. L and I took a break from her schoolwork to walk Oliver. The day was simply gorgeous, we didn't even need coats, and we figured out what she was going to do for her friend's birthday while we walked, so that was a load off our minds. (It had been worrying her.)
T was not going to be home until late, so I didn't cook for dinner. That was fun. We ate Arby's and watched Dance Moms, which we look forward to. R had baseball tryouts, so that was a highlight. I did my Bible study for CBS tomorrow standing at the island in the kitchen at some point in the evening. I always like doing that.
But if I am going to pick one happy moment that set the tone for the day, it would have to be getting up after my late morning rest and feeling good physically, no more malaise. Woo hoo!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Monday, March 12
Very low-key day today. No special moment really stands out, except maybe watching R giggle at Oliver. I was bringing him back to school after a doctor appointment and he was eating the PBJ from his bag lunch. Oliver was in the car with us. R had sent him to the back so he could eat in peace, but Oliver's nose was all a-quiver and his face told the whole story of his undivided interest in that sandwich in case R should be inclined to share.
For some reason this struck R as funny and he started to giggle. There is something very fun and funny about a normally staid 16-year-old boy in the throes of giggles. That was a happy moment!
For some reason this struck R as funny and he started to giggle. There is something very fun and funny about a normally staid 16-year-old boy in the throes of giggles. That was a happy moment!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday, March 11
L had an audition today for a scholarship to her ballet camp this summer. I was happy and am hopeful that she may have won something, even just a little bit. We'll see. But during the hour and a half of the audition, her friend's mom and I had nothing to do but sit and talk. That felt good because there was a lot to talk about. Somehow explaining to her exactly what has been concerning me about L and her current homeschool situation helped me understand it better myself, which in itself allayed certain anxieties. First of all, understanding it better helps me to pray more specifically, but also, she had a potential, partial solution.
What it really boils down to is that L is very busy between her school work here at home, her Palaestra (Friday homeschool) classes, piano and dance. She has very little time for any other social endeavor, so her ballet friends have become her world. Now that's nice because there are six girls in the class and that's a decent number of good friends. However, two of the five other girls she is not quite as social with, so that leaves three good friends. And now one of them is going through a "phase." She is openly a wee bit rebellious toward the values she has been brought up with, definitely testing her boundaries. I love this girl, and I like this girl. I expect the best from her eventually, but for the moment, her influence is all the more potent because L's social world is so small.
In addition, L is a peculiarly private person. I tried to discuss a few things with her on the way to her audition this morning. All I wanted to say is that she needs to be very aware of the spiritual state of her friends, to love them but be careful of being influenced by them if they are not doing well spiritually. And secondly, when it comes to crushes on guys, be aware that as a young woman she is hard-wired to respond to attention, that it will be difficult for her to distinguish in her heart a guy she's attracted to for the right reasons from a guy who happens to give her a little attention. (I'm sworn to secrecy so don't tell anyone, but she has a crush on this girl's older brother, Niko, who also happens to be rebellious right now and who is flirting with her. Preacher's kids -- watch out!)
So you can see why I've been concerned. But this conversation, especially because L is so peculiarly private, blew up in my face. Before I got even to my first point she said, "I'm not stupid!" To which I sagely (?) responded, "Yes, you are." And continued with, "By definition you're stupid because you're only 14, and not only that, all your friends are stupid too. There are things you just don't know and I'm trying to help you avoid trouble and hurt. But if you won't open up and talk, if you won't tell me what's going on and you won't listen, I can't help you."
L started to cry and that was the end of that. She cried all the way down to the audition, dabbing at her eyes and nose the whole way in order that it not look like she'd been crying when we got there.
So she did the audition, I had my pleasant and helpful talk with my friend, and as planned, I brought her over to said girl's house to hang out for awhile. She ended up having dinner with their family.
But I have to say, as fun as my conversation was with my friend during the audition, my happy moment of the day came when I picked L up tonight. We talked again. I apologized for calling her stupid, told her I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings with that. She talked a little more freely about things and explained why my remarks upset her. She listened to my concerns (briefly, can't use too many words with L!) and reassured me that she did still have her head on straight. We ran through Meijer to pick up a couple things, and the happy, just smile-a-lot moment was on the way out, just teasing her and laughing together. Harmony restored.
On the way home from Meijer she told me how Niko reminded her of D because he has a little scar right on the corner of his eye, just like D does. And he reminds her of R because of the way he laughs. So yes, Niko is just like D and R put together. Never mind that D and R love the Lord and Niko is trying to convince himself that God doesn't exist. He is just like both her brothers put together because of a scar and a laugh. Nooooo, 14-year-old girls aren't stupid at all! Regular founts of wisdom, they are!
What it really boils down to is that L is very busy between her school work here at home, her Palaestra (Friday homeschool) classes, piano and dance. She has very little time for any other social endeavor, so her ballet friends have become her world. Now that's nice because there are six girls in the class and that's a decent number of good friends. However, two of the five other girls she is not quite as social with, so that leaves three good friends. And now one of them is going through a "phase." She is openly a wee bit rebellious toward the values she has been brought up with, definitely testing her boundaries. I love this girl, and I like this girl. I expect the best from her eventually, but for the moment, her influence is all the more potent because L's social world is so small.
In addition, L is a peculiarly private person. I tried to discuss a few things with her on the way to her audition this morning. All I wanted to say is that she needs to be very aware of the spiritual state of her friends, to love them but be careful of being influenced by them if they are not doing well spiritually. And secondly, when it comes to crushes on guys, be aware that as a young woman she is hard-wired to respond to attention, that it will be difficult for her to distinguish in her heart a guy she's attracted to for the right reasons from a guy who happens to give her a little attention. (I'm sworn to secrecy so don't tell anyone, but she has a crush on this girl's older brother, Niko, who also happens to be rebellious right now and who is flirting with her. Preacher's kids -- watch out!)
So you can see why I've been concerned. But this conversation, especially because L is so peculiarly private, blew up in my face. Before I got even to my first point she said, "I'm not stupid!" To which I sagely (?) responded, "Yes, you are." And continued with, "By definition you're stupid because you're only 14, and not only that, all your friends are stupid too. There are things you just don't know and I'm trying to help you avoid trouble and hurt. But if you won't open up and talk, if you won't tell me what's going on and you won't listen, I can't help you."
L started to cry and that was the end of that. She cried all the way down to the audition, dabbing at her eyes and nose the whole way in order that it not look like she'd been crying when we got there.
So she did the audition, I had my pleasant and helpful talk with my friend, and as planned, I brought her over to said girl's house to hang out for awhile. She ended up having dinner with their family.
But I have to say, as fun as my conversation was with my friend during the audition, my happy moment of the day came when I picked L up tonight. We talked again. I apologized for calling her stupid, told her I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings with that. She talked a little more freely about things and explained why my remarks upset her. She listened to my concerns (briefly, can't use too many words with L!) and reassured me that she did still have her head on straight. We ran through Meijer to pick up a couple things, and the happy, just smile-a-lot moment was on the way out, just teasing her and laughing together. Harmony restored.
On the way home from Meijer she told me how Niko reminded her of D because he has a little scar right on the corner of his eye, just like D does. And he reminds her of R because of the way he laughs. So yes, Niko is just like D and R put together. Never mind that D and R love the Lord and Niko is trying to convince himself that God doesn't exist. He is just like both her brothers put together because of a scar and a laugh. Nooooo, 14-year-old girls aren't stupid at all! Regular founts of wisdom, they are!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Saturday, March 10
Today's happy moment is a toss up between my conversation with B about her marvelous spring break trip with her campus fellowship, and dinner out with friends before we went to see the Sound of Music performed by our church (a benefit for Living Hope International, our Zambia orphanage).
B's spring break trip was amazing, a huge step forward for her in being fully integrated in her fellowship, with the leadership in particular. She has been involved in this fellowship for most of her college career now, most of two years, and she has always had a lot of friends there. But I sensed something unhealthy too, ironically. She was keeping herself apart spiritually. (Well, to be fair, I don't know that she was keeping herself apart, or if that's just the way it worked out and no one reached out to disciple her.) She was busy discipling friends who were younger in the Lord than she is, but there was no one there for her to look up to for wisdom or advice. She was connecting plenty downward, but not upward.
So it was a joy to hear about all her new connections with leaders, open and honest conversations, and to hear her say how each leader she connected with told her, "We're here for you, B. We're just a phone call away. You can call us." She's not a lone wolf Christian anymore. That was a happy moment (Or a happy 1 1/2 hours on the phone, actually.)
The other happy moment came as we went out with friends for dinner tonight before the musical. I happened to mention that tomorrow was our 23rd wedding anniversary, which got us all comparing notes about our honeymoons. It was fun to relate to our friends our funny memories of the hokey resort in the Poconos we went to. Somehow it fully got us over the tension of yesterday. Going out with friends always does that for T and me. Getting out with people and being forced to behave ourselves always restores harmony between us. We do well there, outwardly. And somehow that works to bring back into harmony any inward dissonance.
B's spring break trip was amazing, a huge step forward for her in being fully integrated in her fellowship, with the leadership in particular. She has been involved in this fellowship for most of her college career now, most of two years, and she has always had a lot of friends there. But I sensed something unhealthy too, ironically. She was keeping herself apart spiritually. (Well, to be fair, I don't know that she was keeping herself apart, or if that's just the way it worked out and no one reached out to disciple her.) She was busy discipling friends who were younger in the Lord than she is, but there was no one there for her to look up to for wisdom or advice. She was connecting plenty downward, but not upward.
So it was a joy to hear about all her new connections with leaders, open and honest conversations, and to hear her say how each leader she connected with told her, "We're here for you, B. We're just a phone call away. You can call us." She's not a lone wolf Christian anymore. That was a happy moment (Or a happy 1 1/2 hours on the phone, actually.)
The other happy moment came as we went out with friends for dinner tonight before the musical. I happened to mention that tomorrow was our 23rd wedding anniversary, which got us all comparing notes about our honeymoons. It was fun to relate to our friends our funny memories of the hokey resort in the Poconos we went to. Somehow it fully got us over the tension of yesterday. Going out with friends always does that for T and me. Getting out with people and being forced to behave ourselves always restores harmony between us. We do well there, outwardly. And somehow that works to bring back into harmony any inward dissonance.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Friday, March 9
Easily, today's happy moment was spending an hour or so with my sister, P, while L danced. On the one hand, we only had an hour, but somehow that made it more fun because it was like speed talking. We had to get right down to the business of what's really going on in each other's lives, and it was amazing how much ground we could cover in that short time. I love P. She is such a blessing to me.
T and I had a misunderstanding this morning which put a cloud over the day. I texted him and apologized for what I considered my part in the tiff, but apparently the apology wasn't quite to his liking. Whatever. He didn't answer my phone call tonight and hasn't come home. Typical. I'm sure we just won't talk about it again and it will go away. :-[
But today I our monthly e-mail came from our pastor and his wife. In it they talked about a book called How We Love, by Milan and Kay Yurkovich. T and I are very cynical about marriage self-help books and all that psycho-babble, and T is especially annoyed by suggestions that he needs to drudge up and wallow in childhood history to "cure" himself. And this book is exactly that, but I really think it is exactly what we need.
It's the first marriage book I have ever looked at that I think could actually help us. It talks about how the way we love intimately is imprinted on us as children, by the way our primary caregivers defined it for us, and we carry that into our marriage. I've known for a long time that both of us are somehow emotionally disconnected from each other. That's one reason I blog. I can tell you all things that T just can't hear. First of all, he's not interested; secondly, he doesn't have the attention span for it. Thirdly, and most significantly, hearing anything emotional from me makes him extremely uncomfortable. He turns mean fast. I learned early not to ever go there.
So I've adjusted. I love him, but I absolutely do not expect him to meet any emotional needs of mine. He is not a part of that part of my life. We talk about day to day stuff, happenings, people, the kids, things we're both very engaged in. But we don't touch emotionally at all.
I have to recognize too that this is a two way street, and I am not a part of his emotional life either. Who's fault is that? Is it mine that I don't reach out to him in that way? Am I closed off? Or is he to afraid to let me in? Definitely the latter, but probably the former too.
What it means is that we hurt each other without understanding why or how. Actually, I have detached myself emotionally enough that he doesn't hurt me very much. I have no expectations from him. So when things happen like this morning, or tonight when he just doesn't come home, I am annoyed, but have a very objective, pragmatic view of it. I have responsibility to do what I can to fix it because I want the marriage to hold together, but it doesn't hurt me emotionally. It more annoys me that he's off pouting and hurt, but doesn't have the courage or maturity to talk about it openly, tell me what he needs from me, forgive me if I've hurt him. I am always playing a guessing game: how much is he truly hurting because I hurt him, and how much is he playing a power game and being a spoiled little boy who didn't get his way and wasn't willing to listen to another perspective? (Listening has never been his strong suit.)
Tomorrow is our 23rd wedding anniversary. We've never done anniversary gifts, but last night I made a special trip down to Barnes and Noble to grab their last copy of this book. I began reading it and I know it could help. If we could even have one discussion about feelings when it comes to each other, it would be revolutionary for us. I'll give the book to him tomorrow. It will probably go over like a lead balloon, but I have to try.
I think T is full of anger toward me that I don't love him the way he wants to be loved. He has no concept that he doesn't love me, and the idea of sharing exactly what me loving him is supposed to look like -- well, I'm just supposed to know and if I loved him I would do it, so since I don't do it right, I must not love him at all.
Sadly, I have a suspicion that his idea of me loving him is nothing more sophisticated than torrid sex two or three times a day, that I would live in a continual state of burning desire for him. And that I would hang on every word he utters as divinely inspired.
So if history is any indicator, even giving him the book is likely to be rewarded with anger. He will tell me that we've gone over this and over this for 23 years and it's never helped so he won't talk about it any more -- when really going over it and over it has only ever meant that he glares at me and tells me I don't love him.
The other day we discussed the fact that our wedding anniversary was coming up, and I said I was proud to have made it 23 years. It was a happy thought. He said, what does that have to do with anything? Divorce is wrong and we will just never go there. We won't go there because we made a commitment before God [insert, "no matter how miserable I am with you."] Great. Thank you, T.
Yeah, that is all it boils down to. In his world, me loving him means I want sex with him always. Great sex. Hot sex. Porn film worthy. If ever I don't want sex, I don't love him, and by now he's pretty well cemented the idea in his mind and holds it against me indefinitely that I don't love him. No care I can give him, no matter what I say, do, or sacrifice for him, nothing will convince him I love him. He's a martyr.
The idea that sex could be impelled by emotional connection is anathema to him. Sex is emotional connection and he won't hear anything else.
It's hopeless.
T and I had a misunderstanding this morning which put a cloud over the day. I texted him and apologized for what I considered my part in the tiff, but apparently the apology wasn't quite to his liking. Whatever. He didn't answer my phone call tonight and hasn't come home. Typical. I'm sure we just won't talk about it again and it will go away. :-[
But today I our monthly e-mail came from our pastor and his wife. In it they talked about a book called How We Love, by Milan and Kay Yurkovich. T and I are very cynical about marriage self-help books and all that psycho-babble, and T is especially annoyed by suggestions that he needs to drudge up and wallow in childhood history to "cure" himself. And this book is exactly that, but I really think it is exactly what we need.
It's the first marriage book I have ever looked at that I think could actually help us. It talks about how the way we love intimately is imprinted on us as children, by the way our primary caregivers defined it for us, and we carry that into our marriage. I've known for a long time that both of us are somehow emotionally disconnected from each other. That's one reason I blog. I can tell you all things that T just can't hear. First of all, he's not interested; secondly, he doesn't have the attention span for it. Thirdly, and most significantly, hearing anything emotional from me makes him extremely uncomfortable. He turns mean fast. I learned early not to ever go there.
So I've adjusted. I love him, but I absolutely do not expect him to meet any emotional needs of mine. He is not a part of that part of my life. We talk about day to day stuff, happenings, people, the kids, things we're both very engaged in. But we don't touch emotionally at all.
I have to recognize too that this is a two way street, and I am not a part of his emotional life either. Who's fault is that? Is it mine that I don't reach out to him in that way? Am I closed off? Or is he to afraid to let me in? Definitely the latter, but probably the former too.
What it means is that we hurt each other without understanding why or how. Actually, I have detached myself emotionally enough that he doesn't hurt me very much. I have no expectations from him. So when things happen like this morning, or tonight when he just doesn't come home, I am annoyed, but have a very objective, pragmatic view of it. I have responsibility to do what I can to fix it because I want the marriage to hold together, but it doesn't hurt me emotionally. It more annoys me that he's off pouting and hurt, but doesn't have the courage or maturity to talk about it openly, tell me what he needs from me, forgive me if I've hurt him. I am always playing a guessing game: how much is he truly hurting because I hurt him, and how much is he playing a power game and being a spoiled little boy who didn't get his way and wasn't willing to listen to another perspective? (Listening has never been his strong suit.)
Tomorrow is our 23rd wedding anniversary. We've never done anniversary gifts, but last night I made a special trip down to Barnes and Noble to grab their last copy of this book. I began reading it and I know it could help. If we could even have one discussion about feelings when it comes to each other, it would be revolutionary for us. I'll give the book to him tomorrow. It will probably go over like a lead balloon, but I have to try.
I think T is full of anger toward me that I don't love him the way he wants to be loved. He has no concept that he doesn't love me, and the idea of sharing exactly what me loving him is supposed to look like -- well, I'm just supposed to know and if I loved him I would do it, so since I don't do it right, I must not love him at all.
Sadly, I have a suspicion that his idea of me loving him is nothing more sophisticated than torrid sex two or three times a day, that I would live in a continual state of burning desire for him. And that I would hang on every word he utters as divinely inspired.
So if history is any indicator, even giving him the book is likely to be rewarded with anger. He will tell me that we've gone over this and over this for 23 years and it's never helped so he won't talk about it any more -- when really going over it and over it has only ever meant that he glares at me and tells me I don't love him.
The other day we discussed the fact that our wedding anniversary was coming up, and I said I was proud to have made it 23 years. It was a happy thought. He said, what does that have to do with anything? Divorce is wrong and we will just never go there. We won't go there because we made a commitment before God [insert, "no matter how miserable I am with you."] Great. Thank you, T.
Yeah, that is all it boils down to. In his world, me loving him means I want sex with him always. Great sex. Hot sex. Porn film worthy. If ever I don't want sex, I don't love him, and by now he's pretty well cemented the idea in his mind and holds it against me indefinitely that I don't love him. No care I can give him, no matter what I say, do, or sacrifice for him, nothing will convince him I love him. He's a martyr.
The idea that sex could be impelled by emotional connection is anathema to him. Sex is emotional connection and he won't hear anything else.
It's hopeless.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Thursday, March 8
I'm cheating again today, posting early. That $1,000,000 ticket could well be on its way to our house and I will have totally missed my opportunity to report it as my happiest moment of the day. But I live on the wild side, so I'm going to risk it and make the call early, at 7:00 p.m.
Today was a very challenged day when it comes to happy moments. If any happy moments were thinking of making an appearance, they tucked tail and ran for cover as soon as they caught the local vibe. Living with two teenagers can be depressing. I've never been more stupid, had more stupid things to say, never been more annoying to be around and never made more unappetizing things to eat than I do now. You'd think after 49 years of existence, I'd have more to offer, but evidently not. Two teenagers cannot be wrong. And although T has long outgrown his teen years, some days he can be pretty miserable too.
So I am feeling sorry for myself today. Thankfully, actually, I woke up this morning feeling sorry for myself. That turned out to be a good thing because I did, in my self-pity, do one fun thing for myself early this morning. I bought an app that was all for me, all for my own private self-improvement and enjoyment. The best part of it is that it's my own private secret. Something I'll share with you because you're special, but no one with skin on.
It's not much really. Just a weight tracker. I took some time to choose my very favorite, being as particular as I could about the way the graph looks and the way the data is input. But somehow it's making me happy, and not sharing it with anyone is making me happy. I haven't quite figured out why it's important to me that that be a secret, but it is.
So R is coming for the computer. I have to run and I don't feel like I've quite thoroughly explained myself. But I'm going to hit the publish button now and finish later. But I'll say that downloading that app was today's happy moment.
Today was a very challenged day when it comes to happy moments. If any happy moments were thinking of making an appearance, they tucked tail and ran for cover as soon as they caught the local vibe. Living with two teenagers can be depressing. I've never been more stupid, had more stupid things to say, never been more annoying to be around and never made more unappetizing things to eat than I do now. You'd think after 49 years of existence, I'd have more to offer, but evidently not. Two teenagers cannot be wrong. And although T has long outgrown his teen years, some days he can be pretty miserable too.
So I am feeling sorry for myself today. Thankfully, actually, I woke up this morning feeling sorry for myself. That turned out to be a good thing because I did, in my self-pity, do one fun thing for myself early this morning. I bought an app that was all for me, all for my own private self-improvement and enjoyment. The best part of it is that it's my own private secret. Something I'll share with you because you're special, but no one with skin on.
It's not much really. Just a weight tracker. I took some time to choose my very favorite, being as particular as I could about the way the graph looks and the way the data is input. But somehow it's making me happy, and not sharing it with anyone is making me happy. I haven't quite figured out why it's important to me that that be a secret, but it is.
So R is coming for the computer. I have to run and I don't feel like I've quite thoroughly explained myself. But I'm going to hit the publish button now and finish later. But I'll say that downloading that app was today's happy moment.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wednesday, March 7
Well, I'll start today's entry by clearing T's name, sort of. We handled our little tension from yesterday in the way we always do: by ignoring it until it went away. Apparently we've both (tacitly) agreed it has gone away now, so it's done. Much nicer to be back on keel.
Today's happy moment? Well, it's only 7:30, so technically I'm cheating by posting so early. Who knows, Publisher's Clearinghouse could ring the doorbell any minute to tell us we won a million dollars, and then that would be my happy moment. Barring that, I think it's pretty safe to make the call now though.
Well, I'd have to say one of the best parts of the day was my CBS Bible study, the teaching portion where I came to a new enlightenment over Galatians 6. I did love that, but I don't want to call it my happy moment because I already blogged about it in Small Dog, Tall Weeds. (Check it out!) Besides, does that really count as happy? Really, it was more deeply meaningful.
I had my first Klondike bar tonight with R and L. (What would you do for a Klondike bar? =) ) That was fun! I almost never indulge in those highly advertised, super yummy delectables because I should be avoiding them at all costs. I don't know what came over me yesterday at the grocery store, but I gave in to a sudden impulse and bought two packages. So I guess that was a happy treat!
On a more seriously happy note, I will let the cat out of the bag and reveal that we have decided to have R tested for ADD. So today we met with the psychologist and talked with him about the whole thing. The big happy of the day really is that I like this guy. I really like him. He seemed to ask all the right questions, put us both at ease, and really seemed to know his stuff. So, I'm not at all convinced R will benefit from ADD treatment, but I have confidence that this guy will be able to steer us in the right direction. Truthfully, that has to win the prize as the happy moment of the day...not the Klondike bar. =)
Today's happy moment? Well, it's only 7:30, so technically I'm cheating by posting so early. Who knows, Publisher's Clearinghouse could ring the doorbell any minute to tell us we won a million dollars, and then that would be my happy moment. Barring that, I think it's pretty safe to make the call now though.
Well, I'd have to say one of the best parts of the day was my CBS Bible study, the teaching portion where I came to a new enlightenment over Galatians 6. I did love that, but I don't want to call it my happy moment because I already blogged about it in Small Dog, Tall Weeds. (Check it out!) Besides, does that really count as happy? Really, it was more deeply meaningful.
I had my first Klondike bar tonight with R and L. (What would you do for a Klondike bar? =) ) That was fun! I almost never indulge in those highly advertised, super yummy delectables because I should be avoiding them at all costs. I don't know what came over me yesterday at the grocery store, but I gave in to a sudden impulse and bought two packages. So I guess that was a happy treat!
On a more seriously happy note, I will let the cat out of the bag and reveal that we have decided to have R tested for ADD. So today we met with the psychologist and talked with him about the whole thing. The big happy of the day really is that I like this guy. I really like him. He seemed to ask all the right questions, put us both at ease, and really seemed to know his stuff. So, I'm not at all convinced R will benefit from ADD treatment, but I have confidence that this guy will be able to steer us in the right direction. Truthfully, that has to win the prize as the happy moment of the day...not the Klondike bar. =)
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Tuesday, March 6
My favorite part of today, my happy moment, had to be walking Oliver. The sun was out, the sky was blue, it was too warm for my coat, and we didn't see a soul along the way. We walked (he ran) through the cemetery connected to our subdivision, and he got a lot of exercise greeting a dog behind its fence there. Oliver, who walks well without a leash, was completely, preciously obedient the whole way. I say "preciously" obedient because throughout the walk he kept looking back to make sure I was still there, that he hadn't run too far ahead of me. At one point we were in a field and he took one path around some tall, dry brush and I took the other. The paths converged in about 20 feet, and we would have remained within 15 feet of each other the whole way around, but he got nervous that we were on different paths. So he bounded through the brush to join me on my path. Such a sweet little friend!
Today is exactly why this "Happy Moment" discipline is beneficial. The day definitely did end with a mad moment, so it's good to put my mind on the happy part of the day. It was a stupid incident, made infuriating because T refuses to apologize.
Being in sales and his office being 50 minutes from the house, he tends to work from home a lot. By working at home, I don't mean he sets his computer up on the completely empty, large-sized, L-shaped computer desk we have upstairs, which is pleasantly situated in front of a picture window in our bedroom, with plenty of natural light but also equipped with two desk lamps. No, he doesn't set up there. And it doesn't mean he sets up on the dining room table, situated right next to the kitchen, within shouting range of his personal servant (me) in case his coffee needs to be rewarmed or his toes are cold and he needs his slippers. No, not there either. Working from home for T means he sets up right at the kitchen table, taking up a full 3/4 of the area of this large, six by four foot table with his laptop, its case and his oversize planner. This is the same kitchen table where L is trying to get her schoolwork done, even though being in sales means that talking on the phone is a big part of the job description. So we've talked about this before. He really needs to set up shop elsewhere in the house. But he doesn't.
So this afternoon when I got back from L's dance, he surprised me by being home early and had jumped back on the his computer to get some work done. The table was littered with the family laptop, chargers and various other bits of things that had floated over there during the course of the day, but a full half of the table was occupied by his computer and its case. (The planner had made a home elsewhere in that moment apparently, so only half the table was him at that moment, not the usual three-quarters.)
Now, today I had been a good girl. Even though I had just gone grocery shopping and the house was full of yummy things to grab and eat, I hadn't nibbled my way to full as I often do before dinner. I was hungry and anxious to get dinner on the table so I could eat what I should eat, rather than the snacks. I started making the tacos, which are quick and easy to put together, and asked him to please move so the table could be set. Nope, he wasn't going to do it. He was busy. I asked again in a few minutes because I was really almost done with dinner. And he started shouting about all the CRAP on the table, including YOUR LAPTOP, and I'M NOT MOVING MY STUFF UNTIL ALL THIS STUFF IS PUT AWAY BECAUSE I'M DOING WORK HERE!
Made my blood boil. First of all, my laptop stays on the table during dinner because it sits innocently in one corner and there are only four of us now. We don't use that corner during dinner anyway. I explain this to him. NO! I AM NOT MOVING MY STUFF UNTIL YOUR LAPTOP IS PUT AWAY. Jerk.
So I move my laptop 12 inches to the chair, pick up the couple other things on the table and finish dinner. After a minute he's feeling sheepish. He puts his stuff away, starts to sing and hum as if all's right with the world, gets plates out and asks if we're eating buffet off the island or if he should set them on the table. I answer him curtly, but no way, buddy. I'll be warm again when you apologize. But he wouldn't, so we had a chilly dinner and I headed upstairs right after I finished the dishes.
Big dummy. Go ahead and read your Bible. A lot of good it does if you can't apologize when you're a jerk.
So today I'm happy to remember my lovely walk with Oliver.
Today is exactly why this "Happy Moment" discipline is beneficial. The day definitely did end with a mad moment, so it's good to put my mind on the happy part of the day. It was a stupid incident, made infuriating because T refuses to apologize.
Being in sales and his office being 50 minutes from the house, he tends to work from home a lot. By working at home, I don't mean he sets his computer up on the completely empty, large-sized, L-shaped computer desk we have upstairs, which is pleasantly situated in front of a picture window in our bedroom, with plenty of natural light but also equipped with two desk lamps. No, he doesn't set up there. And it doesn't mean he sets up on the dining room table, situated right next to the kitchen, within shouting range of his personal servant (me) in case his coffee needs to be rewarmed or his toes are cold and he needs his slippers. No, not there either. Working from home for T means he sets up right at the kitchen table, taking up a full 3/4 of the area of this large, six by four foot table with his laptop, its case and his oversize planner. This is the same kitchen table where L is trying to get her schoolwork done, even though being in sales means that talking on the phone is a big part of the job description. So we've talked about this before. He really needs to set up shop elsewhere in the house. But he doesn't.
So this afternoon when I got back from L's dance, he surprised me by being home early and had jumped back on the his computer to get some work done. The table was littered with the family laptop, chargers and various other bits of things that had floated over there during the course of the day, but a full half of the table was occupied by his computer and its case. (The planner had made a home elsewhere in that moment apparently, so only half the table was him at that moment, not the usual three-quarters.)
Now, today I had been a good girl. Even though I had just gone grocery shopping and the house was full of yummy things to grab and eat, I hadn't nibbled my way to full as I often do before dinner. I was hungry and anxious to get dinner on the table so I could eat what I should eat, rather than the snacks. I started making the tacos, which are quick and easy to put together, and asked him to please move so the table could be set. Nope, he wasn't going to do it. He was busy. I asked again in a few minutes because I was really almost done with dinner. And he started shouting about all the CRAP on the table, including YOUR LAPTOP, and I'M NOT MOVING MY STUFF UNTIL ALL THIS STUFF IS PUT AWAY BECAUSE I'M DOING WORK HERE!
Made my blood boil. First of all, my laptop stays on the table during dinner because it sits innocently in one corner and there are only four of us now. We don't use that corner during dinner anyway. I explain this to him. NO! I AM NOT MOVING MY STUFF UNTIL YOUR LAPTOP IS PUT AWAY. Jerk.
So I move my laptop 12 inches to the chair, pick up the couple other things on the table and finish dinner. After a minute he's feeling sheepish. He puts his stuff away, starts to sing and hum as if all's right with the world, gets plates out and asks if we're eating buffet off the island or if he should set them on the table. I answer him curtly, but no way, buddy. I'll be warm again when you apologize. But he wouldn't, so we had a chilly dinner and I headed upstairs right after I finished the dishes.
Big dummy. Go ahead and read your Bible. A lot of good it does if you can't apologize when you're a jerk.
So today I'm happy to remember my lovely walk with Oliver.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, March 5
Today was a pretty low-key day, and as I think back on it, I'm a little embarrassed at my happy moment. Not much of note happened at all, but the personal little happy of the day was spent working through my physics book. I am considering teaching high school physics next year at L's homeschool group, Palaestra. I decided I'd darn well better make sure I can still do all this physics before I commit. So yesterday I finished the first of 16 modules (chapters). Of course it was easy. It was never the first module I was worried about, or the second. The third begins to use trigonometry, so I'm anxious to get there to see what I've forgotten.
Anyway, it was fun. I like physics because I like puzzles. I as I worked through the module I kept a notebook of my work, just so that I won't have redo the problems if I do teach next year. And I figured out the best way to require the students to keep their notebooks too, with separate sections for worked problems, and each portion of memory work: formulas, definitions, and important concepts.
So that was my unusual, but personally fun, happy of the day!
Anyway, it was fun. I like physics because I like puzzles. I as I worked through the module I kept a notebook of my work, just so that I won't have redo the problems if I do teach next year. And I figured out the best way to require the students to keep their notebooks too, with separate sections for worked problems, and each portion of memory work: formulas, definitions, and important concepts.
So that was my unusual, but personally fun, happy of the day!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Sunday, March 4
Well, the day isn't over yet, so I suppose I have no business selecting my happy moment yet, do I? But I'm pretty sure I know what it will be.
L had her Grade IV ballet exam this morning, which was probably more nerve wracking for us moms than for the girls! But they did great. All of them did well, I'm sure, but in particular, it seems that L and her friend, C, who tested together, did very well. They went in with three girls from another studio and it sounds like they benefited from the comparison. =) They were much better prepared. A woman who was helping with the music during the testing and also owns her own ballet studio came out afterward and told us how well they did.
For Grade IV they had to select one minute of music and choreograph their own dance for it. There were two places in L's dance that required her to balance on one leg for a bit, once while she forms a slow arabesque and another where she raises a leg straight up. Both those places are highlights of the dance in my opinion, but some days her balance is just better than others. Some days that supporting leg is rock solid, and other days the effect is ruined as the viewer (me) worries that that wobbling leg will become a toppling leg!
Of course I wasn't allowed to watch, which is a mercy, but L says and C corroborates that her balance was good today. =) So the happy moment was simply the success of the exam and the thrill that L and her friends have all passed!
L had her Grade IV ballet exam this morning, which was probably more nerve wracking for us moms than for the girls! But they did great. All of them did well, I'm sure, but in particular, it seems that L and her friend, C, who tested together, did very well. They went in with three girls from another studio and it sounds like they benefited from the comparison. =) They were much better prepared. A woman who was helping with the music during the testing and also owns her own ballet studio came out afterward and told us how well they did.
For Grade IV they had to select one minute of music and choreograph their own dance for it. There were two places in L's dance that required her to balance on one leg for a bit, once while she forms a slow arabesque and another where she raises a leg straight up. Both those places are highlights of the dance in my opinion, but some days her balance is just better than others. Some days that supporting leg is rock solid, and other days the effect is ruined as the viewer (me) worries that that wobbling leg will become a toppling leg!
Of course I wasn't allowed to watch, which is a mercy, but L says and C corroborates that her balance was good today. =) So the happy moment was simply the success of the exam and the thrill that L and her friends have all passed!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Saturday, March 3
R and I spent the day today with my brother-in-law and niece from Philadelphia. T is still in Colorado, L had a dance class she couldn't miss since her exam is tomorrow, so that left just little ole me and my quiet R to provide entertainment for the day! I think of that as a scary task, but it turned out to be a fun, fun day, at least from my perspective. I hope that's not because I did more than my share of the talking, which I certainly did. I always do this when I've thoroughly enjoyed myself with someone or with a group: I spend the rest of the night torturing myself with thoughts of how crazy much I blabbered on and on about my own interests, not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise.
We went to Ann Arbor where I went to school and my brother-in-law lived for a few years, where my niece was born. We ate at Cottage Inn, an old haunt, and walked around U of M's campus. We toured the Museum of Natural History, but I did a little too much talking to let my bro-in-law see very many of the exhibits. =} I hope he was okay with that. Then we considered touring the art museum, but ended up getting coffee at the Union instead, talking all the while.
So although the whole day was a happy moment, I sincerely hope is was as happy for my companions as it was for me!
We went to Ann Arbor where I went to school and my brother-in-law lived for a few years, where my niece was born. We ate at Cottage Inn, an old haunt, and walked around U of M's campus. We toured the Museum of Natural History, but I did a little too much talking to let my bro-in-law see very many of the exhibits. =} I hope he was okay with that. Then we considered touring the art museum, but ended up getting coffee at the Union instead, talking all the while.
So although the whole day was a happy moment, I sincerely hope is was as happy for my companions as it was for me!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Friday, March 2
Today was a day full of conversation. Here at the end of it I feel like I started talking at 6:30 a.m. when I first woke up, and haven't stopped until just now. Of course that isn't literally true, but I am verbally exhausted!
Today I substituted for my daughter's homeschool literature class, and I had fun with it. The kids made for a tough crowd in some ways because they weren't as conversational as I would have liked, but eventually they did warm up and talk. When I broke them up into four groups to do the little activity I had planned, they loosened up and their cute little personalities shined through their initial reserve. L said I didn't embarrass her, which I took as high praise. =) So that was a happy moment.
And I'm considering teaching the high school physics class next year at Palaestra (the home school group). Today I talked to a handful of people there about that possibility. First I talked to the gal who is currently teaching chemistry and biology there about how she ran the classes. I was happy with the conversation on two counts: first, I was reassured that she would be a wonderful teacher for L next year when she takes biology, and second, I was reassured that I could, indeed, handle what would be required to do a good job teaching physics. Then I talked to the Palaestra board, and I was so pleased with 1) how careful they are in selecting their teachers, that they wanted to be sure I had some physics background, they didn't want me learning physics along with the kids, and 2) I was also pleased with how seriously they took my preferences if I were to teach there next year, specifically that I would need L's biology class time slot to be somewhat close to the physics class's time slot, and that morning was best to avoid the possibility of running into L's afternoon dance. So those were happy moments.
Another happy moment was sneaking out during Palaestra today to buy L a beautiful blue topaz pendant necklace and a card. We somehow fell into a tradition of buying her a necklace for each ballet exam she passes. They serve as heartfelt congratulatory gifts for all her hard work, and I hope they will be happy mementos for her of each exam in years to come. Up until now they have all been inexpensive little things, appropriate for a young girl, but this year I decided a semiprecious stone was in order.
And the last happy moment of the day was during L's dance class when I slipped out to coffee with a friend and her wonderful mom. This friend's mom has become like another grandmother to L, so she is near and dear to my heart just for the love she has bestowed on my kid, besides being a lovely person in her own right. They were kind enough to listen to me do more than my share of the talking, but it felt great and was a lot of fun for me!
Lots of happy moments, a bit out of line with the original intent of this Happy Moment (singular) Journal, but what can one do when life is so full of blessings?
Today I substituted for my daughter's homeschool literature class, and I had fun with it. The kids made for a tough crowd in some ways because they weren't as conversational as I would have liked, but eventually they did warm up and talk. When I broke them up into four groups to do the little activity I had planned, they loosened up and their cute little personalities shined through their initial reserve. L said I didn't embarrass her, which I took as high praise. =) So that was a happy moment.
And I'm considering teaching the high school physics class next year at Palaestra (the home school group). Today I talked to a handful of people there about that possibility. First I talked to the gal who is currently teaching chemistry and biology there about how she ran the classes. I was happy with the conversation on two counts: first, I was reassured that she would be a wonderful teacher for L next year when she takes biology, and second, I was reassured that I could, indeed, handle what would be required to do a good job teaching physics. Then I talked to the Palaestra board, and I was so pleased with 1) how careful they are in selecting their teachers, that they wanted to be sure I had some physics background, they didn't want me learning physics along with the kids, and 2) I was also pleased with how seriously they took my preferences if I were to teach there next year, specifically that I would need L's biology class time slot to be somewhat close to the physics class's time slot, and that morning was best to avoid the possibility of running into L's afternoon dance. So those were happy moments.
Another happy moment was sneaking out during Palaestra today to buy L a beautiful blue topaz pendant necklace and a card. We somehow fell into a tradition of buying her a necklace for each ballet exam she passes. They serve as heartfelt congratulatory gifts for all her hard work, and I hope they will be happy mementos for her of each exam in years to come. Up until now they have all been inexpensive little things, appropriate for a young girl, but this year I decided a semiprecious stone was in order.
And the last happy moment of the day was during L's dance class when I slipped out to coffee with a friend and her wonderful mom. This friend's mom has become like another grandmother to L, so she is near and dear to my heart just for the love she has bestowed on my kid, besides being a lovely person in her own right. They were kind enough to listen to me do more than my share of the talking, but it felt great and was a lot of fun for me!
Lots of happy moments, a bit out of line with the original intent of this Happy Moment (singular) Journal, but what can one do when life is so full of blessings?
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thursday, March 1
Unlike yesterday, today was emotionally tumultuous, happy moments and mad moments. The day began with a mad moment.
Yesterday L was sick with a generally feeling of malaise, a very sore throat and probably a fever. (The fever never registered on the thermometer, but she walked around the cold house all day in a tank top and bare feet, but claimed she was warm. Hmmm. Sounds like a fever to me.) She was exposed to strep throat last week, and she has this ballet exam this weekend. So I made an appointment with the pediatrician to have her checked for strep first thing this morning, hoping to get it nipped in the bud. I figured if she could get on an antibiotic right away, she'd be well enough to do her exam.
Surprisingly, she woke up this morning feeling all better! No sore throat, back to her old energy, not even any cold symptoms! It's a mystery how that happened, but since the appointment was the first one of the day, I couldn't even cancel. So I decided to drive on up there and use the appointment to ask the doc come questions about something else that had been on my mind.
I walk in the office a little before 9:00 and hoped to talk to the gal at the desk about my change in plan. [Annoyed side note: wouldn't you think that the appointment being at 9:00 should mean that I'd be talking to the doctor at 9:00??? Which should mean that I'd be signing in and walking back to the examining room before 9:00??? Anyway, back to the original story, I was only hoping to talk to the gal behind the desk a minute or two before the actual 9:00 appointment, but...] Oh no. It wasn't 9:00 yet so they were all going to walk around back there and not acknowledge the person standing behind the window, so I gave up and sat down. At 9:00 the window finally opens and I go over to talk to the gal. I explain that since my daughter woke up not sick anymore, I wanted to use the appointment instead to consult with the doctor, to ask a few questions about whether I should pursue a particular line of thinking.
Ohhh nooo. No can do. Consultations are hour long appointments and only done at 4:00 on Wednesdays and the person in question must be present along with various official documents.
Excuse me? I don't even know if I should be pursuing this at all. I only need to ask a few questions and I have an appointment anyway. No. And there's a line behind you, so could you please move out of the way. Hello. If you'd acknowledged my presence before 9:00 we could have had this discussion before the line formed! You can write the doctor a note and she can call you if you want.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHH. So I left and the doctor had a no-show that she couldn't bill for. She called me later in the day, cordial but obviously in a hurry, probably squeezing the phone call in between appointments. If she had office staff with any sense at all she could have seen me during an appointment time when she would not have needed to rush, when she would not have felt the need to continually interrupt me, and when she would have actually been paid for the conversation. So that was one mad moment.
A happy moment came during dinner. T is out in Colorado, so it was just the three of us, R, L and me, and truthfully, we were a little bored at dinner. Nobody had much to say. Somehow that morphed into a silly shoot-food-at-R-from-mouth type of game (Craisins, not gravy.) He retaliated. R's craisin landed in L's salad, which was gross enough to end the game, but it was fun and funny for a bit. =)
Then another mad moment. (These moments are not in chronological order. They actually went mad, mad, happy, happy, rather than mad, happy, mad, happy as they're being cataloged here. But I think it makes for a more interesting post to alternate them. =) Anyway, my next mad moment: )
R is my quiet, low-key guy. Social, but not assertively so, so he spends a lot of time hanging with the family (which I am totally fine with!). This afternoon, the mother of an old friend of his, Joel, called. Joel is the kid he always went to camp with in past years, but he lives in a different city and they never saw a whole lot of each other outside of camp. But this weekend their family has plans to do some help project, painting and cleaning a house, something like that, with their small group at church, and Joel wanted to bring a friend. R's name came up and they were wondering if he'd like to join them on Sunday. They'd be taking off right after church. Sounded great. Logistically one thing led to another, and they invited him just to spend the night on Saturday night. Then she called me again today and said she forgot that Joel had plans to do some fund-raiser activity Saturday night, so could R just meet up with him there. It would be fun and two other kids, J and K might be there.
She meant this last bit to be extra enticement for R to want to go, but it made me mad! This mom had no way of knowing this, but J and K happen to be the reason R wants nothing to do with our church youth group.
T and I have conflicted feelings about church youth groups in general, so we are not bothered by R's lack of involvement there. If any of our kids had wanted to jump into it, we would have supported them entirely, but as none of them have, we were fine with that too.
But at one point, say sixth grade or so, R loved the church youth group, was on their "leadership team," and it was a good place for him. J had been a friend of R's from babyhood since J's parents are old, pre-marriage friends of ours, so J was his "homie" when he went to youth group. R is a totally low-maintenance guy socially, but everyone wants someone to hang with, and J was his comfortable buddy, his longtime friend.
Then K came onto the scene. K was a classic ADHD kid, a lot of fun and a lot of energy. So I don't know exactly what happened or how it went down, but when K came on the scene, somehow R got squeezed out. If they were all girls, it would totally make sense. The mystery to me is that they are not girls, and three boys usually do fine together. Why there was no room for R anymore has always been a question mark. (And R being R means we got no information from him.) From that point on though, R just refused to have anything to do with the youth group, even their Sunday morning meetings. T and I weren't about to push it because we've seen bad things as well as good come out of church youth groups, but it had been looking like a good place for R until this happened.
Who knows if J and K will even be there Saturday night, or even factor into the evening very much if they are there, but the mere mention of their names, with the innocent suggestion that their presence would be a happy thing for R, made me mad. I seethed for the rest of the day. My kids are way more me than T when it comes to all things social, which means they make friends slowly and carefully, and the ones they have are precious. If one of my girls were to lose a friend like that, it would be hard, but I think it's harder for a boy. Somehow they seem less emotionally resilient just because they're less willing to talk and share the hurt. Boys' emotional wounds stay all closed up inside, without the benefit of air and sunshine to help them heal over.
So J and K still pierce me to the heart. They hurt my kid senselessly and unnecessarily. That was another mad moment.
But never fear, the day ended with a happy moment! I have to be a little tight-lipped about this, but there has been a big, bad worry clouding my world for a number of months, and the first step to the solution had to be broaching a sensitive topic to someone near and dear to my heart. Everything hinged on my near and dear someone being open to addressing the problem. I'd been praying for the right moment and the right response, that God would pave the way and prepare the heart of my precious hearer. Tonight I sensed the moment was right, and it was. The first, perhaps the hardest, step toward chasing this cloud away was successfully accomplished, and I could have leaped for joy! This happy moment completely eclipsed both of my mad moments! Thank You, Lord!
Yesterday L was sick with a generally feeling of malaise, a very sore throat and probably a fever. (The fever never registered on the thermometer, but she walked around the cold house all day in a tank top and bare feet, but claimed she was warm. Hmmm. Sounds like a fever to me.) She was exposed to strep throat last week, and she has this ballet exam this weekend. So I made an appointment with the pediatrician to have her checked for strep first thing this morning, hoping to get it nipped in the bud. I figured if she could get on an antibiotic right away, she'd be well enough to do her exam.
Surprisingly, she woke up this morning feeling all better! No sore throat, back to her old energy, not even any cold symptoms! It's a mystery how that happened, but since the appointment was the first one of the day, I couldn't even cancel. So I decided to drive on up there and use the appointment to ask the doc come questions about something else that had been on my mind.
I walk in the office a little before 9:00 and hoped to talk to the gal at the desk about my change in plan. [Annoyed side note: wouldn't you think that the appointment being at 9:00 should mean that I'd be talking to the doctor at 9:00??? Which should mean that I'd be signing in and walking back to the examining room before 9:00??? Anyway, back to the original story, I was only hoping to talk to the gal behind the desk a minute or two before the actual 9:00 appointment, but...] Oh no. It wasn't 9:00 yet so they were all going to walk around back there and not acknowledge the person standing behind the window, so I gave up and sat down. At 9:00 the window finally opens and I go over to talk to the gal. I explain that since my daughter woke up not sick anymore, I wanted to use the appointment instead to consult with the doctor, to ask a few questions about whether I should pursue a particular line of thinking.
Ohhh nooo. No can do. Consultations are hour long appointments and only done at 4:00 on Wednesdays and the person in question must be present along with various official documents.
Excuse me? I don't even know if I should be pursuing this at all. I only need to ask a few questions and I have an appointment anyway. No. And there's a line behind you, so could you please move out of the way. Hello. If you'd acknowledged my presence before 9:00 we could have had this discussion before the line formed! You can write the doctor a note and she can call you if you want.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHH. So I left and the doctor had a no-show that she couldn't bill for. She called me later in the day, cordial but obviously in a hurry, probably squeezing the phone call in between appointments. If she had office staff with any sense at all she could have seen me during an appointment time when she would not have needed to rush, when she would not have felt the need to continually interrupt me, and when she would have actually been paid for the conversation. So that was one mad moment.
A happy moment came during dinner. T is out in Colorado, so it was just the three of us, R, L and me, and truthfully, we were a little bored at dinner. Nobody had much to say. Somehow that morphed into a silly shoot-food-at-R-from-mouth type of game (Craisins, not gravy.) He retaliated. R's craisin landed in L's salad, which was gross enough to end the game, but it was fun and funny for a bit. =)
Then another mad moment. (These moments are not in chronological order. They actually went mad, mad, happy, happy, rather than mad, happy, mad, happy as they're being cataloged here. But I think it makes for a more interesting post to alternate them. =) Anyway, my next mad moment: )
R is my quiet, low-key guy. Social, but not assertively so, so he spends a lot of time hanging with the family (which I am totally fine with!). This afternoon, the mother of an old friend of his, Joel, called. Joel is the kid he always went to camp with in past years, but he lives in a different city and they never saw a whole lot of each other outside of camp. But this weekend their family has plans to do some help project, painting and cleaning a house, something like that, with their small group at church, and Joel wanted to bring a friend. R's name came up and they were wondering if he'd like to join them on Sunday. They'd be taking off right after church. Sounded great. Logistically one thing led to another, and they invited him just to spend the night on Saturday night. Then she called me again today and said she forgot that Joel had plans to do some fund-raiser activity Saturday night, so could R just meet up with him there. It would be fun and two other kids, J and K might be there.
She meant this last bit to be extra enticement for R to want to go, but it made me mad! This mom had no way of knowing this, but J and K happen to be the reason R wants nothing to do with our church youth group.
T and I have conflicted feelings about church youth groups in general, so we are not bothered by R's lack of involvement there. If any of our kids had wanted to jump into it, we would have supported them entirely, but as none of them have, we were fine with that too.
But at one point, say sixth grade or so, R loved the church youth group, was on their "leadership team," and it was a good place for him. J had been a friend of R's from babyhood since J's parents are old, pre-marriage friends of ours, so J was his "homie" when he went to youth group. R is a totally low-maintenance guy socially, but everyone wants someone to hang with, and J was his comfortable buddy, his longtime friend.
Then K came onto the scene. K was a classic ADHD kid, a lot of fun and a lot of energy. So I don't know exactly what happened or how it went down, but when K came on the scene, somehow R got squeezed out. If they were all girls, it would totally make sense. The mystery to me is that they are not girls, and three boys usually do fine together. Why there was no room for R anymore has always been a question mark. (And R being R means we got no information from him.) From that point on though, R just refused to have anything to do with the youth group, even their Sunday morning meetings. T and I weren't about to push it because we've seen bad things as well as good come out of church youth groups, but it had been looking like a good place for R until this happened.
Who knows if J and K will even be there Saturday night, or even factor into the evening very much if they are there, but the mere mention of their names, with the innocent suggestion that their presence would be a happy thing for R, made me mad. I seethed for the rest of the day. My kids are way more me than T when it comes to all things social, which means they make friends slowly and carefully, and the ones they have are precious. If one of my girls were to lose a friend like that, it would be hard, but I think it's harder for a boy. Somehow they seem less emotionally resilient just because they're less willing to talk and share the hurt. Boys' emotional wounds stay all closed up inside, without the benefit of air and sunshine to help them heal over.
So J and K still pierce me to the heart. They hurt my kid senselessly and unnecessarily. That was another mad moment.
But never fear, the day ended with a happy moment! I have to be a little tight-lipped about this, but there has been a big, bad worry clouding my world for a number of months, and the first step to the solution had to be broaching a sensitive topic to someone near and dear to my heart. Everything hinged on my near and dear someone being open to addressing the problem. I'd been praying for the right moment and the right response, that God would pave the way and prepare the heart of my precious hearer. Tonight I sensed the moment was right, and it was. The first, perhaps the hardest, step toward chasing this cloud away was successfully accomplished, and I could have leaped for joy! This happy moment completely eclipsed both of my mad moments! Thank You, Lord!
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