L had an audition today for a scholarship to her ballet camp this summer. I was happy and am hopeful that she may have won something, even just a little bit. We'll see. But during the hour and a half of the audition, her friend's mom and I had nothing to do but sit and talk. That felt good because there was a lot to talk about. Somehow explaining to her exactly what has been concerning me about L and her current homeschool situation helped me understand it better myself, which in itself allayed certain anxieties. First of all, understanding it better helps me to pray more specifically, but also, she had a potential, partial solution.
What it really boils down to is that L is very busy between her school work here at home, her Palaestra (Friday homeschool) classes, piano and dance. She has very little time for any other social endeavor, so her ballet friends have become her world. Now that's nice because there are six girls in the class and that's a decent number of good friends. However, two of the five other girls she is not quite as social with, so that leaves three good friends. And now one of them is going through a "phase." She is openly a wee bit rebellious toward the values she has been brought up with, definitely testing her boundaries. I love this girl, and I like this girl. I expect the best from her eventually, but for the moment, her influence is all the more potent because L's social world is so small.
In addition, L is a peculiarly private person. I tried to discuss a few things with her on the way to her audition this morning. All I wanted to say is that she needs to be very aware of the spiritual state of her friends, to love them but be careful of being influenced by them if they are not doing well spiritually. And secondly, when it comes to crushes on guys, be aware that as a young woman she is hard-wired to respond to attention, that it will be difficult for her to distinguish in her heart a guy she's attracted to for the right reasons from a guy who happens to give her a little attention. (I'm sworn to secrecy so don't tell anyone, but she has a crush on this girl's older brother, Niko, who also happens to be rebellious right now and who is flirting with her. Preacher's kids -- watch out!)
So you can see why I've been concerned. But this conversation, especially because L is so peculiarly private, blew up in my face. Before I got even to my first point she said, "I'm not stupid!" To which I sagely (?) responded, "Yes, you are." And continued with, "By definition you're stupid because you're only 14, and not only that, all your friends are stupid too. There are things you just don't know and I'm trying to help you avoid trouble and hurt. But if you won't open up and talk, if you won't tell me what's going on and you won't listen, I can't help you."
L started to cry and that was the end of that. She cried all the way down to the audition, dabbing at her eyes and nose the whole way in order that it not look like she'd been crying when we got there.
So she did the audition, I had my pleasant and helpful talk with my friend, and as planned, I brought her over to said girl's house to hang out for awhile. She ended up having dinner with their family.
But I have to say, as fun as my conversation was with my friend during the audition, my happy moment of the day came when I picked L up tonight. We talked again. I apologized for calling her stupid, told her I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings with that. She talked a little more freely about things and explained why my remarks upset her. She listened to my concerns (briefly, can't use too many words with L!) and reassured me that she did still have her head on straight. We ran through Meijer to pick up a couple things, and the happy, just smile-a-lot moment was on the way out, just teasing her and laughing together. Harmony restored.
On the way home from Meijer she told me how Niko reminded her of D because he has a little scar right on the corner of his eye, just like D does. And he reminds her of R because of the way he laughs. So yes, Niko is just like D and R put together. Never mind that D and R love the Lord and Niko is trying to convince himself that God doesn't exist. He is just like both her brothers put together because of a scar and a laugh. Nooooo, 14-year-old girls aren't stupid at all! Regular founts of wisdom, they are!
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